What should the online Brown shop sell?

Marking a year of Kevin Rudd our sister party in Australia have launched an online RuddShop and it has won some positive coverage.  The memorabilia that the shop promotes pokes fun at the Australian Labour PM's various faults and weaknesses.

If we had an online 'Brown Shop' what would it sell?

Comments

[Iain]

Uppers, for you need them to make life tolerable when you have misery Gordon Brown around.

[Praguetory]

Chocolate teapots.

[Norm Brainer]

Brown stuff?

[Stuart M.]

I.O.U.'s

[Malcolm Dunn]

Lies? From Brown £1 each, Blair 50p a dozen and get 100 from Mandelson free.

[GB£.com]

nappies

[Paul Morris]

Mugs

[Steve Tierney]

British Traditions.
Civil Liberties.
Sensible Economic Policies.

He might struggle to find stock, but if he does stumble on some he can make a quick buck selling them on to somebody who'll use them.

[Cicero]

Gold at 10 pence a kilogram.

[pp]

As long as it offers a store card with a massive credit limit, and huge rate of interest - anything that people might buy!

[Edward Huxley]

This is a waste of time.

[Steve]

The final portion of England's Gold Reserves that he hasnt sold already?.

At a huge loss of course.

[Cleethorpes Rock]

With apologies to the originator of this one, but:

Labour Party Condoms:

allows inflation
halts production
discourages development
protects a bunch of pricks
provides the head with a sense of security while screwing others

[Ken Stevens]

A mooning "Caganer" of Gordon Brown (and Merkel, Sarkozy and Obama)

http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=ca&u=http://www.caganer.com/product_info.php%3Fproducts_id%3D281&sa=X&oi=translate&resnum=3&ct=result&prev=/search%3Fq%3DCaganer%2BGordon%2BBrown%2BCaganer%2BGordon%2BBrown%26hl%3Den

[Tim]

Childrens futures
Gold 80% off

[Dorian Pick'n'Mix Flatpack]

How about some nostalgia?
An archive video of our local hunt trotting past the village post office and pub. Because he has closed down every last sodding one of them.

[David Cooper]

Humbug & fudge.

[Patsy Sergeant]

A CD with the Laughing Policemen on it, any ideas for other tracks?

[Patsy Sergeant]

Nice one Cicero @ 13.14.

Cleethorpes Rock @ 13.28 - I LOVE that, I shall forward that, soonest. It doesn't matter who the originators were, it is perfect for this thread!

[Sammy Finn]

"A BOOK ON PRUDENCE"

Then added: "Discontinued."

[Curly]

Escape kits!

[Cleethorpes Rock]

Along with the humbug and fudge, he could sell a stick of Northern Rock, a bargain at £200m.

For a more healthy note, porridge, which like Brown, is boring, Scottish and thick.

[Dorian Hoodie]

Or how about a nice montage of fireman being bricked by feral sociopaths as a police car burns in the grey concrete, no hope, squalor of rusting needles and shards of alcopop whilst the tenements glower in the orange Molotovian glow of incinerated aspiration.
Title: New English Landscapes by Incapability Brown

[Ross]

It wouldn't sell anything, it would just take people's money in return for a vague unspecified commitment to possibly deliver a product several years in the future.

[Graeme Archer]

He should sell pensions. Always remember to check the small print: "The value of your pension is guaranteed to go down. We will invest your pension in blue chip stock (Woolworth, MFI &c). Every month you'll save more but be worth less! Hurry hurry hurry this offer must end way after you're dead. Terms and conditions apply, all prices quoted do not incorporate VAT at the post-election rate of 20% you schmuck". A bargain!

[Graeme Archer]

Actually he really should sell pensions. He could diversify and offer public sector ones too. The small print again: "Isn't it reassuring to know that whatever the economic uncertainty, you'll be protected in retirement by an army of those curiously toiling private sector little people". A happy customer, a Mr J Prescott, writes: "I did absolutely nothing of use for decades and impoverished the life of millions. Thanks to GordonBrownPensions, I could concentrate on my sordid adultery, safe in the knowledge that when the time came to lay down my heavy burden, the army of little people would continue to fund my lavish lifestyle." (This letter was transcribed from the original gibberish. Names have been altered to protect the dignity of Mrs Prescott).

[Patsy Sergeant]

Cleethorpes Rock, in future I shall forgive any comments of yours that I don't happen to agree with, and just remember the comments that you have put on this thread - thats another one @ 14.31 that has just given me a welcome laugh!

[Cleethorpes Rock]

I'd hope I don't say too much that you don't agree with, Patsy Sergeant, but then again, ConHome says the coalition's strongest when it's broad and deep!

How about Labour's cabinet?

Assorted Mixed Nuts

[Alan Douglas]

One-way air tickets to ... well ... actually anywhere !

[Brian W]

A Double CD or DVD set - My achievements as Chancellor including the abolition of 'Boom and Bust' and the second one - My achievements as Prime Minister - Wrecking the UK economy.

[Saltmaker]

Piggy banks -- factory 2nds with no stoppers.

Bundles of monopoly money.

The missing handkerchief.

Trojan condoms.

[Ulster Tory]

Bottles (for Brown the Bottler)

[Eveleigh Moore-Dutton]

Well he's already Sold Out!

...everything .

..principles... granny... country

[Tanuki]

Broken Promises.

Or a small, impressive though empty box - labelled "Credibility - the new fragrance by Gordon Brown"

[The Bishop Swine]

Scammers supply’s like blank credit cards.

Other people’s property.

Broken pens.

Some of the childrens playground items that were removed because of Labour policies.
Honors.

Poor quality forgeries of evangelical tracts, made in china.

M.People’s back catalogue.

Entire Database's of private information.

100 Asprins in a tub (not a chance labour banned them)

The unemployed who have been sold out.

[eugene]

Hot air baloons...powered best near BBC reporters and/or Zanulab representatives.

[Jill, London]

To build on Ross @ 14.35’s comment – that’s not forgetting the tax just to look at the shop. But it won’t be called a tax – instead they will inflict one of their euphemisms – levy, fee, toll, tariff or charge – because it’s a ‘service’ [Comrade Livingstone’s excuse for his car tax].

And – of course – there will be Stasi spy cameras to check who’s looking – and a whole expensive bureaucracy to fine people who don’t pay. Just part of their ideology to continue criminalising the law-abiding.