David Cameron, the Andrex puppy dog

When Labour compared David Cameron to a chameleon it backfired. The chameleon looked quite cute, was the verdict of Mr Cameron's daughter. The wisdom of comparing the Conservative leader to the Andrex puppy dog - cute but unrelated to the underlying product - isn't therefore obvious to us. Nick Clegg made the comparison in his without-notes speech to LibDems in Bournemouth. His long attack on the Conservatives went on to also accuse Mr Cameron of arrogance and having no real policies.

If his attacks on the Tories were unconvincing his remarks on tax and spending were interesting. Do you believe that government spends every pound wisely?, he asked. Government, he said, should spend money as wisely as if the money was borrowed from a close friend. It's true that LibDem tax plans don't add up but his speech is a sign of the transformed public mood on tax. Voters no longer believe in higher and higher spending. They want a refund.

From PoliticsHome's transcript of the speech, Clegg's attack on the Conservatives in full:

"But we can be certain that Labour cannot help us.

And we can be certain that the Conservatives won’t bother.

Cameron’s only aim was to make the Conservatives inoffensive.

Problem is, once you strip out the Offensive parts of the Conservative party, there isn’t much left.

Cameron’s hope is to become the Andrex puppy of British politics.

A cuddly symbol, perhaps.

But fundamentally irrelevant to the product he’s promoting.

I asked my office to do some research over the summer into Conservative policy positions.

Before you laugh, it turns out they have actually said quite a lot.

3148 pages worth, in fact.

At a best guess, that’s about 1.8 million words.

That is three times as long as War and Peace.

Or two and half thousand readings of The Gruffalo.

I think they’re hoping to produce so much of this stuff that no-one will have the time to read it.

Because, out of all those 1.8 million words.

Guess how many translate into concrete commitments?

None. Not one.

You see, when you promise, you have to choose.

When it’s all “blue skies thinking” – you can say everything, no matter how contradictory.

You can say you want fairer taxes – but propose to spend billions cutting inheritance tax for the very richest in the land.

You can call for the European Union to be stronger against the Russians – while still plotting to break it in two.

You can say you’ll protect civil liberties – and then call for extra surveillance powers.

You can cycle to work – and have your driver follow behind.

They are a say everything, do nothing party.

David Cameron and his cronies have tried to take over every comforting, soft-focus word in the dictionary.

They are for work-life balance, fairness, motherhood, apple pie, saving the planet and custard.

You have to admire, I suppose, the sheer gall of someone who worked for Margaret Thatcher claiming he cares about poverty.

But that arrogance.

That born-to-rule conceit.

That sense he’s already picking out curtain patterns for Number 10.

That’s not what Britain needs.

Power must be earned, not inherited."

Comments

[Liam Scott-Smith]

It may have been without notes but for those that did watch the speech, did anyone notice when the BBC panned out among the crowd they saw a screen in the top right of the auditorium with the speech word for word scrolling down. Clegg is without doubt DC Lite.

[Anon]

Did anyone notice that the SKY news camerman must have dozed off as Clegg almost paced off screen a few times!

[GB£.com]

Perhaps he is the Andrex puppy because he has the equipment to clear up the 'Brown' mess... lol.

[Gezmond007]

Yeah he,s a real dog who will do or say anything for a bone !

[Patsy Sergeant]

Now that is quite CUTE - GB£ @ 12.58!!

[Dorian Grape of Englandism]

Clegg? Lavatory paper?

It is to be noted that a clegnut or dagg (Scots variant) is an accumulation of dried fecal matter adhering to the south end of a north facing sheep.

References to Andrex should be avoided unless the implication is that Cameron is going to wipe his #rse with him.

[HeebyGeebies]

Cameron looks more a rottweiler than a puppy given his, apparent, treatment of poor old PPC Mike Freer in Finchley and Golders Green, who seems to have set out to attack 'the rich with family money'!

http://notthebarnettimes.blogspot.com/2008/09/cameron-fails-to-back-freer.html

[Nicholas J. Rogers]

Not a bad compliment - the Andrex Puppy has been an incredibly successful tool for increasing the company's sales!

[Sally Roberts]

Bit of an own goal from Cleggy there.... Lots of us (myself included) absolutely LOVE the Andrex Puppy!

[Anon]

And andrex puppies raise money for guide dogs too - proper Conservative values of social responsibility and cute!

[Walaa]

I would not get too bothered by the remark. Dogs are intelligent, loyal, and dependable living beings, plus they are historically man’s best friend, and Britain’s number one companion. Who are Clegg’s friends? Creepy crawlies come to mind.

[John Leonard]

I think this says more about what goes on in Clegg's fluffy marketing orientated mind than anything else.

More to the point I note that amongst his policies nicked from the Conservatives manifesto in 2005 he proposes to undermine our future Defence capability. Is this a ploy to facilitate the Euro conspiracy by making us dependent on some future Euro Army?

[Sally Roberts]

"Who are Clegg’s friends? Creepy crawlies come to mind."

Or possibly bird brains....anyone remember the Lib Dem "Dead Parrot" from years ago?!!

[Serf]

I thought that us Tories were baby eaters. Labradors, like the Andrex puupy are excellent with children (I should know, I have both in my house).

Obviously DC has really managed to change us :)

[Malcolm Dunn]

His remarks on cutting tax would have been more interesting if he'd spelled out how he was going to finance this. Paxman exposed him badly last night.

[Sally Roberts]

"I thought that us Tories were baby eaters. Labradors, like the Andrex puupy are excellent with children (I should know, I have both in my house).

Obviously DC has really managed to change us :)"

I love babies.....but I really couldn't manage a whole one! ;-)

[ChrisD]

The Labour party and the financial markets are in crisis - and here we have another Libdem story about their tax and spending plans...

[johnC]

'I asked my office to do some research over the summer into Conservative policy positions.'

That says it all really. We are the new opinion formers in British politics. Clegg wasn't interested in research to come up with Limp Dumb policy positions - he just wanted to pinch ours.

[London Tory]

Apparently a MORI poll tomorrow may have us at 52%, with Cleggover and his rag bag army at 12%.

Voters clearly prefer the real thing :)

[Sally Roberts]

I tell you something, if I get phoned up this evening by that lot they are going to get a very dusty response!

[Malcolm Dunn]

Yeah but London Tory,the 52% are all saying they would vote Conservative with absolutely no enthusiasm. I know that because I read it on this blog!

[ChrisD]

London Tory, Mike Smithson of PB.com has posted a couple of updates in the comments thread of his article on the rumoured Mori Poll.

"74.UPDATE I have now spoken to MORI who have confirmed that a poll that they did at the weekend will be published at midnight by the Press Association. Fieldwork took place from Friday until Sunday when the domestic news agenda was dominated by Labour’s leadership troubles. MORI were “unable to confirm or deny the figures”."

"112.SECOND UPDATE A journalist who had the embargoed PA story in front of him has confirmed the figures to me. This is for real."

[David Parker]

If anyone who receives this call and is registered with the Telephone Preference Service (which advertisers are supposed to consult before cold calling someone), I suggest you lodge a complaint against the LibDims with them!

[Simon Chapman]

Wasn't the Andrex strapline:

"Soft, strong, and VERY long"?

I'm not sure whether this says more about Clegg than it does about Dave.

[Walaa]

Thanks for the tip David Parker, I shall do just that.

[grumpy old man]

I tell you something, if I get phoned up this evening by that lot they are going to get a very dusty response!

Posted by: Sally Roberts | September 17, 2008 at 16:08

Sally, as I understand it it's all going to be done by a robot. You don't expect Cleggie to expose himself to the uncensored opinions of the average "Coronation Street" viewer or Man U follower do you? Switch on the answerphone and he can talk to no-one, - as usual. Save the recording for the next weathercock policy change.
BTW, I'm not at all surprised you like the Andrex Puppy and other small cuddly things in pink:)

[Thomas Hardman]

I actually thought his speech was rather good, and indeed thought the andrex puppy line was rather funny.

But only on Conservative Home would there be people trying to seriously work out whether a throw-away line about the andrex puppy might 'backfire'. I would like to think that most people's political concerns are more nuanced.

[Peter]

"But only on Conservative Home would there be people trying to seriously work out whether a throw-away line about the andrex puppy might 'backfire'."

You obviously don't read PoliticalBetting!

[Dick Wishart]

"speech without notes" you obviously did not see Nick Robinson naughtily expose to the viewers of the 6 O'clock news that in fact he had an AUTOCUE.

[Sally Roberts]

"BTW, I'm not at all surprised you like the Andrex Puppy and other small cuddly things in pink:)"

Eh???? I don't get it..... are you being a bit cryptic, Grumps? You're going to have explain this one as I am obviously being a bit thick :-(

[Sally Roberts]

"Soft, strong, and VERY long"?

I'm not sure whether this says more about Clegg than it does about Dave."

ooooo! .... maybe TOO much info?

[Laura C]

"But only on Conservative Home would there be people trying to seriously work out whether a throw-away line about the andrex puppy might 'backfire'"

Ths was Cleggs first speech to conference as leader, in such an important speech there should be no throw away lines.

This either means that he seriously underestimated the importance of the occasion
Or
The line just didn't work if even his supporters see it as "throw away" comment

Neither are a good reflection on him.

[Steve Green (Daily Referendum Blog).]

Andrex should have used a swan in their adverts instead of a puppy. A swan's neck is without doubt the best thing to wipe your backside on. note: use a flossing action.

[John Ward]

"Who are Clegg’s friends? Creepy crawlies come to mind."

When if the C in 'Clegg' is a Roman numeral, that would make a hundred legs - a centipede!

[John Ward]

Oops, that was supposed to be "well, if the..."

[Sally Roberts]

""Who are Clegg’s friends? Creepy crawlies come to mind."

When if the C in 'Clegg' is a Roman numeral, that would make a hundred legs - a centipede!"

Perhaps he could get together with the Labour Party's little Millipede!

[John Ward]

From Sally Roberts:

"Who are Clegg’s friends? Creepy crawlies come to mind."

When if the C in 'Clegg' is a Roman numeral, that would make a hundred legs - a centipede!"

Perhaps he could get together with the Labour Party's little Millipede!
------------
In that case, perhaps Dave could take them very far away on his velocipede...

[Nigel LeFart]

Interestingly on a uniform swing based on the latest opinion poll then Clagg and Vince-flasher-mac-Cable would lose their seats!!!