ConservativeHome.com has learnt of a secret CCHQ policy group that is drawing up radical plans to complete David Cameron's modernisation of the Conservative Party. The group, which has been meeting over Petit Chablis in Notting Hill wine bars, is drawing up plans to ensure that Queen Elizabeth II is Britain's last monarch. "It will be the ultimate modernisation," one A-list member of the policy group told ConservativeHome, "proving beyond doubt that we are no longer the party of privilege but truly meritocratic."
Frank Luntz has found that a focus group of eight Liberal Democrat-inclined voters in marginal seats love the idea. Steve Hilton has drawn up an ideal list of candidates to become Britain's first directly-elected head of state. Half of the candidates are men, half women and 36.9% cycle to work.
Prince Charles was initially furious about the Tory idea and feared an abrupt end to his public life. David Cameron has apparently reassured the heir to the throne with a promise of a seat in his first Cabinet. Charles Windsor will sit as Secretary of State for the Natural and Built Environment. Prince Harry will head a new task force that will examine the success of the Government's deregulation of pub opening hours.
Edward Leigh is leading Cornerstone MPs against the move and Bill Cash yesterday told this website that he saw the plan as all part of Britain's surrender to the European Union and to the spirit of the French Revolution. Simon Heffer was said to be too angry to comment but will be writing 4,000 words about the decline of Britain in tomorrow's Daily Telegraph.
In other news: Tony Blair to become theatre star after Downing Street, Iain Dale to run for Mayor and ToryRadio's Jonathan Sheppard to defect to Labour.
Tim,
You should lead, not follow. Just because Dale has said he's running for Mayor of London and Sheppard announced his defection to Labour on this, the first day of April, doesn't mean you have to jump on the bandwagon.
I will of course be off now to write an article on the need for all private homes to be compulsorily purchased by the state and re-distributed to citizens on the basis of their needs.
Posted by: John Moss | April 01, 2007 at 09:45
Inspired by Dave Cameron's Leadership of the Conservative Party, I have decided to join the Party straight away.
Would a subscription of £50 and a donation of £3m be enough? Will I be able to choose which constituency I can represent in Parliament?
Posted by: TimberWolf | April 01, 2007 at 09:53
Good April fool ;-)
You had me for a minute there!!
Posted by: Peter Hatchet | April 01, 2007 at 10:01
Sorry Tim, Too Obvious!!!!!!
Posted by: Annabel Herriott | April 01, 2007 at 10:07
:-)
Posted by: Alan S | April 01, 2007 at 10:11
An inspired idea. I look forward to the day when President Carol Thatcher, accompanied by the Mayor of London Iain Dale, goes to open the second session of the new look People's Parliament. Passing the Whitehall Theatre, with Sir Anthony Blair starring in the latest revived Whitehall Farce "The Night We dropped a Clanger" and accompanied by the Mounted Brigade of the Combined Clapham Posse, in their faux Bearskin Hoodies, President Thatcher is met at the new House of Donors by Premier Comrade Cameron and the Chief Oppo Charlie Clarke.
After the traditional Passing Through the Gordon Brown Memorial Iris Scanner and ID Verification Portal with the Minister of Truth and National Security, David Davis, making the Traditional Cry "Are you sure you aren't carrying?" President Thatcher will take her place to hear the President's Rap delivered by DJ Gorgeous Gids Osborne. The Oppo Rapper JonO Sheppard then responds.
Oh happy day and I am so privileged to see it dawn.
Posted by: Ted | April 01, 2007 at 10:30
Thanks Ted!
Posted by: Editor | April 01, 2007 at 10:42
I agree Annabel - it was a bit obvious - but what a shame, it would have been one of the few times I could have agreed wholeheartedly with the Tombstoners!!!!
Posted by: Sally Roberts | April 01, 2007 at 10:48
I agree Annabel - it was a bit obvious - but what a shame, it would have been one of the few times I could have agreed wholeheartedly with the Tombstoners!!!!
Posted by: Sally Roberts | April 01, 2007 at 10:49
Sorry for the duplicate post!
Posted by: Sally Roberts | April 01, 2007 at 10:49
Another thought. Now if you had alleged that you had irrefutable evidence that Gordon Brown was abandoning all claims to the Leadership of Nulab, and subsequently the Premiership in favour of Margaret Beckett, or the Saintly Patricia even, you may have created a degree of panic for a couple of beats.
Posted by: Annabel Herriott | April 01, 2007 at 11:35
Actually not a bad idea. I was always told that it was not what powers the queen had, but the powers the monarchy kept from others.As the queen has ignored her coronation oath and sat back while these quislings hand us over to europe I really can't see the point of a monarch.
Posted by: tally | April 01, 2007 at 11:42
My idea for an April Fool was that the Labour Party were going to elect a psychotic liar with an extremely unpleasant penchant for public nose-picking as their leader. But that's just too crazy to believe so Tim's is a much more realistic spoof
Posted by: kingbongo | April 01, 2007 at 12:00
And a happy April 1st to you, too
Posted by: Henry | April 01, 2007 at 12:35
Good job on ITV this morning Mr Editor. You certainly got the better of Mrs Alastair Campbell.
Posted by: Alan S | April 01, 2007 at 12:43
Oh my god I cant belive i fell for that !
Posted by: 601 | April 01, 2007 at 12:54
I fell for it - thought, as a "Camerloon", 'this is one step too far'.
Posted by: Justin Hinchcliffe | April 01, 2007 at 13:28
Well actually -
The present Queen is Queen of Great Britain as have been all of her predecessors since Queen Anne who was the first monarch of Great Britain .
Queen Anne succeeded to the throne on 8/3/1702 but was not crowned until 23/4/1702 - St George's day - as Queen of England , Scotland , Ireland and France .
The Act of Union 1707 was the occasion when Anne took a further title of Queen of Great Britain . All subsequent coronations have been only to this title and the specificity of the monarchs bond to England , AS England ,
( and not simply a subsumed part of Great Britain )
has been lost .
With the ongoing constitutional crisis , which has not been played out yet and which could result in well end of the British Union it might be that , if England resumes an independent path , the British maonarchy could find itself high and dry with no connection to England ( other than the church ) .
Time for a specific act of reconnection to the English people ?
Posted by: Jake | April 01, 2007 at 14:32
If only, if only....
Posted by: Mark | April 01, 2007 at 15:05
Since I'll happily vote for (just about) any party that would abolish the monarchy, my excitement on seeing the headline turned to disappointment, then chuckles as I read on and realised.
You had me for a minute, I'll readily confess-for about 3 seconds I was a Tory supporter :D
Posted by: comstock | April 01, 2007 at 15:56
There are some things too sacred to joke about!
Posted by: Tim | April 01, 2007 at 16:08
There's part of me that actually wished this wasn't an April Fool.
Just imagine...
President Thatcher.
Posted by: Tim Roll-Pickering | April 01, 2007 at 16:31
Tomorrow's Daily Mail should make good reading, bet the headline will read' 'Cameron to Abolish Monarchy'
Posted by: david | April 01, 2007 at 17:22
The Privy Council could pick the Head of State thus abandoning the hereditary principle, get rid of the Civil List, privatise the Duchy of Lancaster, Duchy of Cornwall and Crown Estates and along with having a new modern parliament in a more central location in the UK higher above sea level such as Stoke-on-Trent, Bakewell, Buxton, Derby, Macclesfield or somewhere in the Higher parts of Sheffield or Manchester (Thus securing it from rises in sea level and storm surges for generations to come and in a more central location more defendable from enemy attack) with maybe a third of the number of MP's and the House of Lords replaced by Select Committees with remote voting and participation in debates using videoconferencing would hugely improve things.
Posted by: Yet Another Anon | April 01, 2007 at 18:31
My God I really was about to order a "I Love Cameron" T-Shirt.
If only Cameron could be this radical!
I was so excited for a moment there.....
Posted by: Andrew Young | April 01, 2007 at 18:38
Having seen this and hit the roof, my language cannot describe my immediate feelings towards D.C. and Co.
Posted by: Historian | April 01, 2007 at 20:09
God, that got my heart beating...I was ready to break down in tears!
Posted by: Steven Bainbridge | April 01, 2007 at 21:07
A little bit obvious...
Posted by: James Maskell | April 02, 2007 at 10:14
I made someone think they'd caught herpes off of a cigarette.
Posted by: Richard | April 02, 2007 at 10:44
(assuming this is a serious proposal)
The Privy Council could pick the Head of State thus abandoning the hereditary principle
Who picks the privy council? Seems a bit like a papal enclave (conclave? you know what I mean anyway). I'd favour a non-political head of state though. The Irish model looks workable
get rid of the Civil List, privatise the Duchy of Lancaster, Duchy of Cornwall and Crown Estates
Agreed
and along with having a new modern parliament in a more central location in the UK higher above sea level such as Stoke-on-Trent, Bakewell, Buxton, Derby, Macclesfield or somewhere in the Higher parts of Sheffield or Manchester
I'm not sure we want the seat of goverment here in Derby (although it makes sense to de-centralise away from Westminster)-it's far too small and doesn't have the transport inferstructure. Buxton and Bakewell-are you serious??? Manchester would be a good bet-many countries have the government not in the largest city-eg USA, Holland, Oz
with maybe a third of the number of MP's and the House of Lords replaced by Select Committees with remote voting and participation in debates using videoconferencing would hugely improve things
We have far too many MPs I agree. Why does Derby have two? As for the HoL going, great but be careful. We need some sort of balancing if we keep FPTP for westminster. Elected 2nd chamber using PR and voted for mid-term??
Posted by: comstock | April 02, 2007 at 12:02
I know a couple of good pubs in Bakewell Comstock,a good bookshop too. This will make a it a fine venue for Parliament when I'm PM or King.
Posted by: malcolm | April 02, 2007 at 12:23
The best April fools are the ones that are most plausible.....and this was a good one!
Posted by: Lord Cashcroft | April 02, 2007 at 15:05
Bakewell's a lovely place, Malcolm, but a seat of government?
It's this, above owt else, that made me ask YAA if he was serious-if he wasn't he was about 6 and a half hours too late,judging by his post time
Posted by: comstock | April 02, 2007 at 19:17
We need some sort of balancing if we keep FPTP for westminster.
Alternative Vote perhaps could be used, I don't see why it can't be set in statute proportions of seats that the party with the largest national vote gets both to limit freakish landslide majorities on low votes such as those Labour has enjoyed since 1997 and the Conservative majorities in 1983 and 1987, then the other parties could get seats based on percentage of the vote - thus improving representation of smaller parties while actually increasing one party government but also ending the chances of a party with vastly fewer votes than the party with most votes winning an overall majority - it is preferable to avoid gridlock and have strong government and majority governments tend to be the strongest.
I'm not sure we want the seat of goverment here in Derby (although it makes sense to de-centralise away from Westminster)-it's far too small and doesn't have the transport inferstructure. Buxton and Bakewell-are you serious???
West Germany had it's capital in Bonn which isn't much bigger than Derby. Transport infrastructure can be put in, Buxton has a lot of buildings that might be used indeed and there has been talk of re-extending the railway line from Manchester to Nottingham where it used to be which if done would enable through trains to London and Glasgow, edinburgh etc..... - especially with modern communications there is no need for the financial capital and political capital to be in the same place. London is grinding to a halt.
Posted by: Yet Another Anon | April 03, 2007 at 04:31
Who knows what goes on in YAAs brain Comstock? But I'd assumed he was joking?
Posted by: malcolm | April 03, 2007 at 12:33
On reading this I ACTUALLY sat and stared at the screen in disbelief for about 10 minutes... before scrolling down... which has left me a lot more cheerful. How gullible.
Posted by: Luke Wood | May 14, 2007 at 18:47
haven't had time to read whether this is a joke or not.
But if it's not a joke, and there's the slightest hint of it,
then it is 100% wrong, and whoever is pressing for it is not a Conservative.
Posted by: Joe James B | February 05, 2009 at 01:55
April 1st already, Tim?!! This one certainly had me going for a moment too - I nearly choked on my coffee.
Posted by: Sally Roberts | February 05, 2009 at 08:15