Cameron's Ten Commandments

In an interview with ePolitix.com, Francis Maude has compared the Conservative Party's 'Built to last' document to the Ten Commandments and the Lord's Prayer, saying brevity did not equal a lack of substance.

I thought we should have a go at rewriting David Cameron's major announcements in the form of  the Ten Commandments.  Here are a few ideas...

1. Love thy neighbour and thy neighbour's hoodied child;
2. Thou shalt share the proceeds of growth;
3. Thou shalt leave the EPP, but not yet;
4. Thou shalt not overfill thine kettle;
5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's chocolate orange;
6. Thou shalt keep it real...

Which ones would you add?

Comments

[Lord Haw Haw]

thou shalt turn the other cheek to Conservative.Home

[Richard Weatherill]

At the risk of being sacriligious:

Thou shalt not make to thyself any graven policies. Thou shalt not bow down to them, nor worship then.

Twelve years shall they (Nu) Labour and do all that they have to do, but the thirteenth year is the year of Dave the Chameleon.

Honour thy Margaret and thy Norman, that thou dost not fall out with too many traditional Tory voters (like me).

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass. (Aimed mainly at the Lib Dems.)

[Richard Weatherill]

Write out 50 times: "I must learn how to spell sacrilegious" - especially if I'm going to be rude about CCHQ adverts in The Guardian!

[Rob]

Thou shalt always covet the Arctic Monkeys

[malcolm]

I think you got it badly wrong about the neighbours chocolate Orange.Surely it should read 'thou shalt force my neighbour to dispose of his chocolate Orange or at least hide it'. Chocolate oranges as we all know are evil!

[Richard Weatherill]

Mr Maude is right to point out that brevity doesn't necessarily equate with a lack of substance. However, a lack of substance (as in BtL) surely does equal, er, a lack of substance.

[Gwendolyn]

Though shalt buy a tandem for thyself and thy chauffeur

[verulamgal]

Thou shalt not kill the NHS ...even though thy cancer groweth and thy prognosis worsens thou must wait in pain and misery in the queue :neither shalt thou FLY abroad for affordable private treatment as flying pollutes the atmosphere

Thou shalt not desire, if thou art middle class and of modest income, a Grammar School education for thy bright offspring

Thou shalt not travel abroad thy holidays or visit thy relatives who have escaped from the hell hole that the UK has become

[William Norton]

"Saul hath killed his thousands but David hath killed his tens of thousands" (1 Samuel 18)?

[Mark Fulford]

1. Though shalt not worship the false belief that institutional sexism corrects itself.
2. Though shalt give a toss about the planet upon which our children’s children will live.
3. When though doth become surrounded by headbangers, remember thine majority, thine mandate and their electoral failures.
4. When though doth wear a tie, it shalt be expensive for thine critics need matters of substance to criticise.

[T Sinden]

Thou shalt cease to turn a wishful blind eye to the deteriorating constitutional situation within the United Kingdom and to the growing discrimination against England , which is both immoral and unsustainable

and that

Thou shalt recognise England as an ancient and historic nation in the same way as you already recognise Scotland and Wales

and that

Thou shall desist from the sheer ill thought out madness of English Votes On English Matters ( EVOEM )and likewise recognise that if implemented it would be a highly divisive ,illogical and practical nightmare which would bring scorn and ridicule on the British parliament and be the single dominating factor in hastening the end of the United Kingdom

and that

Thou shalt accept that there is an easily comprehensible and logical alternative , namely that of an English parliament with the same rights and competencies as the Scottish parliament and that this will create a de facto federal United Kingdom and that this and only this will be the single and enlightened measure most certain to draw the countries of our United Kingdom together and provide us with a further 300 years of British history .

[christina speight]

Thou shalt keep any promises made to thy electors, for if thou dost not, thou wilt be cast out into outer darkness. - Verily!

[useful]

This site is going to put Labours spin machine out of business.

[Drew SW London]

Except, of course, that NuCon is hardly likely to express itself in the language of King James, or his Bible...

[John Moss]

One commandment really ought to be Reagan's

Thou shalt not speak ill of a fellow Conservative - even if he is called Heffer.

[Christina]

Thou shalt pay homage to thy Guardian!

[Martin Curtis]

Thou shalt honour those who have been to public school above all others.

[Henry]

Thou shalt castigate the English as ignorant, sour little Englanders until the they learn to respect us Scots always and forever

Thou shalt pay homage to the great overlord Barnett

Thou shalt never surrender power to an English Parliament

Thou shalt remain silent while English women die of cancer after being denied the same drugs that their neighbours in Britain get on the NHS

Thou shalt financially honour and respect thy neighbours and their pensioners, but spit on the English if they dare to complain

[Stewart Jackson MP]

Tim - I notice even a relatively lighthearted article brings out the wailing and gnashing of teeth (and foaming of mouth) of the usual green ink nutters (i.e. UKIP rejects) who never lose an opportunity to slate Cameron on this site. When will they get a life? Memo to UKIPers on Conservative Home: We don't like you, we aren't on the same side (on account of you deliberately targeting Conservative candidates whenever you can)- so why don't you start up your own weblog with endless video reruns of Nigel Farage and other tedious nonentities?

[Perdix]

ConHome HeadBangers Golden Rule:

Thou shalt not forget to keep taking the tablets.

[Richard Weatherill]

I'm sorry, Mr Jackson (if it is indeed you). There are those of us on this site who, whilst we wouldn't touch UKIP with a bargepole, nevertheless have genuine concerns about the direction in which David Cameron is leading the Party. (Though there are no doubt UKIP "nutters" trolling the site as well.)

[TFA Tory]

Is that the same Stewart Jackson MP who publicly declared his support for David Davis and then stabbed him in the back by voting for David Cameron?

[SimonNewman]

Thou shalt understand what cultural Marxism truly is, and in using its language to deceive thine enemies, shall take care not to deceive thyself.

[James Maskell]

I know this is just a bit of light relief but Maude has to be joking when he compares the BtL document to the Ten Commandments... I can see a number of people not being very happy about that comparison.

[Stewart Jackson MP]

Dear "TFA Tory" - posting anonymously - Do please get your facts right whilst spluttering into your gin and tonic.

I voted for David Davis in the first ballot, as I promised him I would. I immediately wrote to him after the first ballot and advised him that I could not profess support for him in public and vote for David Cameron in the second ballot in secret, as this would be dishonest and dishonourable.

It's called changing your mind - when the circumstances change - with courtesy, honour and decency.

I was never a member of his campaign team but believe him to be a great Parliamentary performer and a superb Shadow Home Secretary.

I have never regretted voting for David Cameron - especially if he is loathed by small minded, nihilistic oppositionalists like you who live in a mental bunker and want to consign my party to the same place.

[Richard Weatherill]

I'm so glad we're no longer "the nasty party".

[michael mcgough]

Thou shalt not lack humour even if one has a majority of only 2740 .

[Editor]

I've closed this thread as it has taken a sharp turn for the worse.