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I think the Liberal Democrats are holding an auction to try and resolve their financial crisis.

Sir Menzies Campbell is trying to offload the following items...

(1) one 20-year-old Jaguar - in good condition (albeit with a few tear stains), however the Liberal Democrats have come to realise that the prestige antique is out of keeping with the image they wish to convey to the voters... and that applies to his car as well.

(2) one butcher's knife - blood-stained, frequently used this year by various party figures.

(3) one case of Glenfiddich - empty, discovered by Campbell in leader's office.

(4) one packet of Alka-Seltzer - empty, see lot (3).

(5) one joke-book - author Vincent Cable has decided to replace previous economic policies with blank sheet of paper.

(6) one party president - useless.

Think you forgot a batch of soap from Mark Oatens office Daniel.

Top stuff as usual William.

I did toy with the idea of including a lot from Mark Oaten's office but I don't want to be banned by the Editor.

He needs the soap because he's been doing this body politics thing Daniel.

Don't know why else you would think he would need it!!:)

Yes of course Andrew! He'll need some clean clothes to change into as well...

David Blunkett: a full pack of comdons.

Chris Bryant: a human size format of his Y Fronts picture....naturally to rise funds for the party

Glenda Jackson: the copy of her 1994 leadership election ballot paper with a vote Tony Blair as leader.

Simon Hughes: a "this election is A STRAIGHT CHOICE" leaflet

Tessa Jowell: a tour guide of North Italy (no more influent friends and clients there)

William you do do one a power of good!!!

Hindujas: don't think they've ever given money to Labour (as opposed to the Dome) but they certainly gave money to the Tories - sponsoring a fundrasing dinner no less. People in glass houses...

Gordon Brown - picture of Tony Blair
( showing signs of wear but comes attached to complementary dart board)

William, how's the Area going?

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