Perhaps the most interesting news item this week was the auction of
property belonging to the late Princess Margaret, organised by her children to
raise funds to pay off their Inheritance Tax bill. In today's egalitarian
society, it seems even the proceeds of death have to be shared. Go on, admit it
- wasn't it fascinating to see that collection of curios, objets d'art and in
some cases downright tat going under the hammer?
Our roving reporter has toured the sale rooms to see what items other
public figures have been putting up for auction.
TONY BLAIR
(1) a gilt-framed looking-glass from Harrods (cracked)
(2) a signed photograph of Mr Bernie Eccleston, the well-known
entrepreneur
(3) a silver-framed hand-mirror from Harvey Nichols (cracked)
(4) a signed photograph of Mr Lakshmi Mittal, the well-known
entrepreneur
(5) a plastic-framed shaving-mirror from Boots (cracked)
(6) a signed photograph of Dr Chai Patel, the well-known entrepreneur
(7) miscellaneous bottles of gentlemen's grooming products of the Lynx
brand (now empty)
(8) a signed photograph of Messrs Srichanda and Gopichand Hinduja, the
well-known entrepreneurs
(9) a deceased and embalmed tabby cat with attached hand-written label
reading "Got Him At Last, XXXX, Love C." - indications of having been kicked
and had darts thrown at it
GORDON BROWN
(1) a tape measure, still in original packaging
(2) a catalogue from Harrods for curtain and wallpaper designs
(3) a gift-wrapped and unopened gold carriage clock engraved with the words
"Thank You for 9 Years of Fantastic Leadership - we couldn't have done it
without you"
(4) a gift-wrapped and unopened gold carriage clock engraved with the words
"Thank You for 10 Years As Leader - enjoy your retirement"
(5) a gift-wrapped and unopened gold carriage clock engraved with the words
"Thank You for the last 11 Years - enjoy the memory"
(6) a gift-wrapped and unopened gold carriage clock engraved with the words
"Thank You for Retiring after 12 Years"
(8) one copy of IT Outsourcing For Dummies, much distressed
DAVID CAMERON
(1) one silver dog whistle, hardly used
(2) one copy of "Global Warming: The Myth Exposed"
(3) membership pack, unopened, for The 4x4 Off-road Gas Guzzlers Club of
Oxfordshire
(4) one large cardboard box, unopened, containing copies of The
Conservative Party Manifesto 2005
(5) one very large kettle, electric element burnt-out
FRANCIS MAUDE
(1) a large collection of ties, including notable and distinguished
gentlemen's clubs - current owner no longer requires them
(2) miscellaneous Christmas Cards from a Mr Roger Helmer of the East
Midlands
JOHN PRESCOTT
(1) one croquet set from Jaques (mallet broken in two)
(2) one copy of "Good Pubs To Visit In The Dorneywood Area" (much
distressed)
(3) one copy of "How To Manage A Large Organisation" (slightly foxed)
(4) one copy of "How To Pull Girls" (well-fingered)
(5) a DVD of the film "What Women Want", featuring Mr Mel Gibson, the
well-known cinema actor
(6) a DVD of the television production "Casanova", featuring Mr David
Tennant, the well-known traveller through time and space
(7) one copy of "Fowler's Modern English Usage" (defaced)
DR JOHN REID
(1) one set of the board game "Monopoly", incomplete (the Get Out Of Jail
Free cards have been torn up)
(2) one copy of The Scottish Office Departmental Directory (hardly
used)
(3) one copy of The Northern Ireland Office Departmental Directory (hardly
used)
(4) one copy of The Labour Party Rulebook (hardly used)
(5) one copy of The House Of Commons Rules of Procedure (hardly used)
(6) one copy of The Department of Health Departmental Directory (hardly
used)
(7) one copy of The Ministry Of Defence Departmental Directory (hardly
used)
(8) a toy model of the aircraft carrier HMS Invincible with hand-written
card reading "Now You Can Play With The Real One, TB", indications of having
been wept over
(9) one copy of GCSE Revision Guide: Basic Principles of English Law
(unread).
I think the Liberal Democrats are holding an auction to try and resolve their financial crisis.
Sir Menzies Campbell is trying to offload the following items...
(1) one 20-year-old Jaguar - in good condition (albeit with a few tear stains), however the Liberal Democrats have come to realise that the prestige antique is out of keeping with the image they wish to convey to the voters... and that applies to his car as well.
(2) one butcher's knife - blood-stained, frequently used this year by various party figures.
(3) one case of Glenfiddich - empty, discovered by Campbell in leader's office.
(4) one packet of Alka-Seltzer - empty, see lot (3).
(5) one joke-book - author Vincent Cable has decided to replace previous economic policies with blank sheet of paper.
(6) one party president - useless.
Posted by: Daniel Vince-Archer | June 17, 2006 at 12:18
Think you forgot a batch of soap from Mark Oatens office Daniel.
Top stuff as usual William.
Posted by: Andrew Woodman | June 17, 2006 at 12:33
I did toy with the idea of including a lot from Mark Oaten's office but I don't want to be banned by the Editor.
Posted by: Daniel Vince-Archer | June 17, 2006 at 12:38
He needs the soap because he's been doing this body politics thing Daniel.
Don't know why else you would think he would need it!!:)
Posted by: Andrew Woodman | June 17, 2006 at 12:46
Yes of course Andrew! He'll need some clean clothes to change into as well...
Posted by: Daniel Vince-Archer | June 17, 2006 at 12:53
David Blunkett: a full pack of comdons.
Chris Bryant: a human size format of his Y Fronts picture....naturally to rise funds for the party
Glenda Jackson: the copy of her 1994 leadership election ballot paper with a vote Tony Blair as leader.
Simon Hughes: a "this election is A STRAIGHT CHOICE" leaflet
Tessa Jowell: a tour guide of North Italy (no more influent friends and clients there)
Posted by: Andrea | June 17, 2006 at 14:33
William you do do one a power of good!!!
Posted by: Patsy Sergeant | June 17, 2006 at 14:55
Hindujas: don't think they've ever given money to Labour (as opposed to the Dome) but they certainly gave money to the Tories - sponsoring a fundrasing dinner no less. People in glass houses...
Posted by: a | June 17, 2006 at 15:26
Gordon Brown - picture of Tony Blair
( showing signs of wear but comes attached to complementary dart board)
Posted by: David Banks | June 17, 2006 at 16:35
William, how's the Area going?
Posted by: London Eye | June 17, 2006 at 23:48