William Norton's Movies Review

PORTRAIT OF A LADY
Film of the Henry James novel.  A free-thinking young woman travels the world in a luxurious lifestyle insulated from the everyday worries and concerns of ordinary people, collecting beautiful objets d'art and mixing with brilliant artists, witty conversationalists, members of the House of Lords and cold scheming amoral diabolical seducers.  Also, a few property developers wanting to build shopping centres in south east England.  How does she manage it?  Well, it turns out she auctions off autographed government reports into the apparent suicide of civil servants, that's how.

Starring: Nicole Kidman as the deluded, out-of-touch central character who's lost her sense of moral judgment.

CH verdict: All right-thinking people will be appalled by the behaviour of the woman at the centre of this drama, and we have to question the taste and values of the producers in wanting to present this spectacle to the public.  This is one of the extremely rare occasions where we are calling not just for a boycott but for an outright ban.  Have your own say here.

NUMBER 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU
A film about laughable adolescent behaviour.  The Cabinet go off on a team-bonding exercise.

Starring: a bunch of kids who aren't going anywhere fast.

CH verdict: This was a bold attempt to modernise Shakespearean drama - but whilst the cast think they're doing "The Taming Of The Shrew" the audience know it's turning into "Hamlet".

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE IIIrd TERM
Blockbuster thriller.  A super-spy who conceals the truth about himself is forced to survive numerous attempts to eliminate him: explosions, gadgets, roof-top chases, visits to the Vatican, incomprehensible plots, the usual run-of-the-mill stuff for a Whitehall Monday morning. Can he protect the woman he loves from the gangsters trying to gun down both of them on their way to taking over the world?

Starring: Tom Cruise as the man with the big smile nearing the end of his career; Philip Seymour Hoffman as the amoral sadistic villain who wants to conquer the planet, and has got a dodgy eye but is pretty good with numbers.

CH verdict: The quality of this series of films has deteriorated markedly since it was first launched in 1997.  Judging from the evidence (although that's really a matter for Inspector Yates) our view is that this franchise will be wound up shortly.

THE TALENTED MR PRESCOTT
Film of the Patricia Highsmith novel.  A young underachiever uses his suavely seductive charms, persuasive eloquence and intellectual cunning to steal someone else's identity.  He then proceeds to enjoy the gilded high life of a rich and spoiled multi-millionaire playboy.  He has it all: his pick of the world's finest country homes, Jaguar cars, diary secretaries etc etc.  without having to do anything discernible to earn a living.  But suspicions begin to mount: can Mr Prescott keep one step ahead of the forces of justice trying to expose him?

Starring: Matt Damon as the ruthless charmer; Jude Law as the other ruthless charmer; Gwyneth Paltrow as the ruthless charmless woman married to the other ruthless charmer; Philip Seymour Hoffman as the ruthless charmless man who lives next door to the other ruthless charmer (etc etc)

CH verdict: How far would you go to become someone else?  Probably not very far to become John Prescott.

DOWNFALL
A powerful and provocative war drama retelling the final days of a mad, power-crazed dictator trapped in a bunker and cut off from reality, surviving plots to assassinate him and arguing with sycophantic acolytes as the enemy close in and... You get the idea.

Comments

[Gareth]

With the best will in the world, is this supposed to be funny? I read these every week, and wonder, "why?". There is so much to talk about, so many important things to focus on - can we just get on with it?

[Donal Blaney]

Gee how helpful that was. If you don't have anything positive to say, Gareth, when someone has taken the time to write an article (or in William's case, a column) then don't say anything at all. Keep it up William: your column makes me laugh anyways.

[Patsy Sergeant]

Donal you are spot on! Gareth life must be very 'heavy' for you, you remind me of a socialist activist who browbeats his followers, fearful that if he doesn't they might get frivolous and neglect WHAT REALLY MATTERS!

[Selsdon Man]

How about "Being John Prescott"? There is a risk that it would be banned.

[Dick Wishart]

Come on some of you, get a life for goodness sake what wrong with a bit of light relief.
I thought it was excellent and very amusing, just what we need from time to time, carry on the good work.

[David Belchamber]

Having looked at the comments (many vitriolic, some OTT) added to the petition about Cherie Blair, I do feel that the obviously spoof ones (Mugabe etc) should be removed before presenting it, otherwise it will lose much of its impact.
Also I think its very existence needs a little more publicity.
I hope you get thousands of (legitimate) signatures.

[kingbongo]

is this supposed to be funny?

Not only is it supposed to be, it is.

How William maintains his high standard is a mystery to me but CH would be poorer without the movie reviews and I trust I'm in the majority in thinking that;

[Patsy Sergeant]

David Belchamber I agree with you about the petition, there doesn't seem to have been anything about it in the papers either, not that I saw. Chirac is another one that seems unlikely.

[johnC]

I look forward to William's movie review all week and he never disappoints. Humour is often the most powerful weapon, and looking at the present apology for a Government if you don't laugh you'll cry.

[Mike Christie]

" I read these every week, and wonder, "why?"."

I wonder "why?" too.... "why" do you read it every week if you don't like it?

If you think there are better things to be done with your time then by all means do them, but leave those of us who enjoy a little humour at the expense of our ridiculous government in peace.