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There are some interesting films on at my local cinema this weekend...

The Fugitive
Immigrants convicted of murder, rape and paedophilia are unexpectedly set free as a result of a security lapse caused by the bungling of the authorities, giving them an opportunity to escape deportation. The film focuses on the story of one man on the run from the law, whose case is pursued relentlessly by persistent Conservative MP Richard Bacon, who gradually discovers evidence of a shocking cover-up by the authorities.
Featuring: Harrison Ford in the lead role of Charles Clarke and Tommy Lee Jones as Richard Bacon.
Verdict: Viewers will be in suspense until the very end as they wait to see if justice will be delivered.

As Bad As It Gets
Jack Nicholson gives a heart-stopping performance as Gordon, a cantankerous, psychologically-flawed, obsessive-compulsive novellist (see last ten budgets and last three Labour manifestoes) who takes pride in his ability to affront, repulse, offend and wound. His targets are random, his aim reckless.
But when long-suffering neighbour Tony suffers a setback, Gordon is forced to babysit Tony's election campaign. And that unexpected act of kindness - along with would-be girlfriend Prudence - helps give Gordon a semblance of indispensibility.
Featuring: Jack Nicholson as Gordon Brown, Greg Kinnear as Tony Blair and Helen Hunt in holographic form as Prudence, the girl of Gordon's dreams.
Verdict: Billed as a comedy, viewers will struggle to see the funny side. Those with sensitive stomachs may like to avert their attention during the infamous ice cream scene with Gordon and Tony.

Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
Dave the chameleon, Menzies the woolly liberal mammoth and Alex the salmon are the stars in this follow-up to the original Ice Age. This time around, the Ice Age is coming to an end and the big thaw threatens their way of life, so Dave, Menzies and Alex unite to warn their contemporaries about the situation, whilst avoiding the flock of vultures led by the sinister Tony. Dave acts by trekking across a glacier, Menzies acts by locking his car in a shed and Alex acts by calling for an independent Scotland.
Featuring the voices of: Hugh Grant as Tony, Sean Connery as Alex, Corin Redgrave as Menzies and different voices for different audiences as Dave.
Verdict: An innocent caper for those seeking escapism from more serious issues.

An Affair To Remember
Unlikely lothario John enjoys a romantic encounter with good-time girl Tracey whilst on a car journey from Hull to Dorneywood. Despite his marriage to the immaculately coiffured Pauline, John agrees to meet Tracey in a hotel room in Blackpool for a reunion but an unfortunate accident, and a six-figure cheque negotiated by Max Clifford, prevents Tracey from reuniting from John and consummating their love once again.
Featuring: Cary Grant (and several layers of padding) as John Prescott, Deborah Kerr as Tracey Temple and Danny La Rue as Pauline Prescott.
Verdict: An unintentionally hilarious film which transcends several film genres, including comedy, romance, horror and non-stop action.

Some of these spoof reviews would turn into great mock posters for use in universities...

William - you would have been well gratified (to use the modern idiom), if you could have heard me laughing particularly at Postman Pat - spot on man!!!!!!


Owing to one thing or another, we are unable to provide a review of "Cider With Rosie". The DVD has been withdrawn from sale by the manufacturers until further notice (probably the next edition of the News Of The World).

Cider With Rosie - naughty!

Re: Postman Pat - I read once that the character Mrs Goggins (who runs the village post office, assuming it hasn't been shut down by now!) is based on a relative of the Labour minister Paul Goggins. She's clearly the shadowy Cllr Fiddle orchestrating the vote-rigging.

we should get the Beeb to put William Norton on Have I got news for you.Both he and DVA are really funny tonight.

"She's clearly the shadowy Cllr Fiddle orchestrating the vote-rigging."

Just to clarify (don't want a lawsuit winging its way to Montgomerie Towers) - I am not suggesting that a relative of a government minister is involved in vote-rigging.

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