William Norton recommends some DVD classics...

Another change this week.  Because there's simply nothing happening in the news, you'll probably want to spend your evenings in watching some DVDs of those classic TV programmes from the past.  Here's a selection we recommend highly:

WHEN THE VOTE COMES IN
A tale of grinding poverty-avoidance and struggle for survival by a plucky lad from the North East.  Best remembered for the title song: "You shall a have peerage on your little dishy; you shall have a peerage when the vote comes in".  Can Tony and his family live through this Great Depression?  Well, at least they manage to avoid poverty. Unfortunately the vote then comes in, and they're wiped out.  You won't miss them by the time the story ends.

PRISONER: NO BLOCK ON THE CELLS
Long-running prison drama involving foreigners.  A prison, with apparently cardboard walls, adopts a radical new policy for handling cell over-crowding: let them all out.  Strains credibility; unconvincing acting from the man playing the role of Charles, the Governor - no one would ever give such a clown an important job in real life, would they?

CASANOVA
Tongue-in-cheek account of the "sexploits" of the famous passionate lover - his time as a steward on a cross-channel ferry, his decision to give up working for a living and become a union official, his leadership of a strike by seamen [please no sniggering] and finally the utter destruction of his reputation when he is forced to stoop to becoming Deputy Prime Minister in a corrupt little republic.  A magnificent performance from the man who went on to become Dr Who-the-hell-voted-for-him, the man who lives on a different planet to the rest of us.

EMERGENCY WARD NUMBER 10
Hospital drama.  The NHS is having its best ever year - so good in fact, that it no longer needs any nurses and can sack all of them.  But what do the staff of the hospital do about Tony, who's on life-support in the end bed?  They switch it off, of course, and go down the pub.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
It is a truth universally acknowledged that when a man has been in power for too long, he forgets why the people put him there.  When this drama was first broadcast in the mid-90s, the nation swooned over its central male character - but if you watch it these days, you'll wonder what people ever saw in him.

TILL DEBT US DO PART
Oops! All those lenders want repayment.  Hit series in which a comedian swears a lot.

And something to keep the kiddies occupied:

POSTMAN PAT
It's election time again in Greendale - and a busy period for poor old Pat because, although Greendale appears to have a visible population of only 8 people, between them they have applied for 7,652,385 postal votes, and asked for them all to be delivered to the shed belonging to Councillor Fiddle (whom no one has seen since the last elections).  What does it all mean, wonders Jess the Cat (who is also Greendale's Electoral Registration Officer).  Still, reflects Pat, at least no one will be able to cheat the outcome of the election - if they're relying on the Royal Mail there's no bloody chance any of those votes will arrive before Christmas 2009.

Comments

[Daniel Vince-Archer]

There are some interesting films on at my local cinema this weekend...

The Fugitive
Immigrants convicted of murder, rape and paedophilia are unexpectedly set free as a result of a security lapse caused by the bungling of the authorities, giving them an opportunity to escape deportation. The film focuses on the story of one man on the run from the law, whose case is pursued relentlessly by persistent Conservative MP Richard Bacon, who gradually discovers evidence of a shocking cover-up by the authorities.
Featuring: Harrison Ford in the lead role of Charles Clarke and Tommy Lee Jones as Richard Bacon.
Verdict: Viewers will be in suspense until the very end as they wait to see if justice will be delivered.

As Bad As It Gets
Jack Nicholson gives a heart-stopping performance as Gordon, a cantankerous, psychologically-flawed, obsessive-compulsive novellist (see last ten budgets and last three Labour manifestoes) who takes pride in his ability to affront, repulse, offend and wound. His targets are random, his aim reckless.
But when long-suffering neighbour Tony suffers a setback, Gordon is forced to babysit Tony's election campaign. And that unexpected act of kindness - along with would-be girlfriend Prudence - helps give Gordon a semblance of indispensibility.
Featuring: Jack Nicholson as Gordon Brown, Greg Kinnear as Tony Blair and Helen Hunt in holographic form as Prudence, the girl of Gordon's dreams.
Verdict: Billed as a comedy, viewers will struggle to see the funny side. Those with sensitive stomachs may like to avert their attention during the infamous ice cream scene with Gordon and Tony.

Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
Dave the chameleon, Menzies the woolly liberal mammoth and Alex the salmon are the stars in this follow-up to the original Ice Age. This time around, the Ice Age is coming to an end and the big thaw threatens their way of life, so Dave, Menzies and Alex unite to warn their contemporaries about the situation, whilst avoiding the flock of vultures led by the sinister Tony. Dave acts by trekking across a glacier, Menzies acts by locking his car in a shed and Alex acts by calling for an independent Scotland.
Featuring the voices of: Hugh Grant as Tony, Sean Connery as Alex, Corin Redgrave as Menzies and different voices for different audiences as Dave.
Verdict: An innocent caper for those seeking escapism from more serious issues.

An Affair To Remember
Unlikely lothario John enjoys a romantic encounter with good-time girl Tracey whilst on a car journey from Hull to Dorneywood. Despite his marriage to the immaculately coiffured Pauline, John agrees to meet Tracey in a hotel room in Blackpool for a reunion but an unfortunate accident, and a six-figure cheque negotiated by Max Clifford, prevents Tracey from reuniting from John and consummating their love once again.
Featuring: Cary Grant (and several layers of padding) as John Prescott, Deborah Kerr as Tracey Temple and Danny La Rue as Pauline Prescott.
Verdict: An unintentionally hilarious film which transcends several film genres, including comedy, romance, horror and non-stop action.

[Donal Blaney]

Some of these spoof reviews would turn into great mock posters for use in universities...

[Patsy Sergeant]

William - you would have been well gratified (to use the modern idiom), if you could have heard me laughing particularly at Postman Pat - spot on man!!!!!!

[William Norton]

PRODUCT RECALL NOTICE

Owing to one thing or another, we are unable to provide a review of "Cider With Rosie". The DVD has been withdrawn from sale by the manufacturers until further notice (probably the next edition of the News Of The World).

[Daniel Vince-Archer]

Cider With Rosie - naughty!

Re: Postman Pat - I read once that the character Mrs Goggins (who runs the village post office, assuming it hasn't been shut down by now!) is based on a relative of the Labour minister Paul Goggins. She's clearly the shadowy Cllr Fiddle orchestrating the vote-rigging.

[Annabel Herriott]

we should get the Beeb to put William Norton on Have I got news for you.Both he and DVA are really funny tonight.

[Daniel Vince-Archer]

"She's clearly the shadowy Cllr Fiddle orchestrating the vote-rigging."

Just to clarify (don't want a lawsuit winging its way to Montgomerie Towers) - I am not suggesting that a relative of a government minister is involved in vote-rigging.