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"Who shot Kennedy?"

Has anyone got the number for Daisy McAndrew's direct line?

To the tune of "If you're happy and you know it..."

If you're a loser and you know it, raise your hands...

"Whose nomination papers have been signed by John Hemming?"

Okay, which of you old men is trying to look "with it" for the kids by wearing a wristband?

The puppeteer sneezes

"Now then contestants - income taxes, HIGHER or LOWER?"

Two arms "a definite advantage", say pollsters.

"The puppeteer sneezes"

This isn't a David Cameron photoshoot!

Huhne, Oaten, Hughes, Campbell: Why do I always have to be next to the nutter?

PS: DVA - who was right and who was wrong about Hemming pulling out?

We surrender!

"PS: DVA - who was right and who was wrong about Hemming pulling out?"

At the time you claimed he had pulled out, he hadn't withdrawn, so that would be me.

Pleae raise your arms to show what wing of the electorate you think you'll appeal to.

DVA: maiow-maiow yourself. Sorry to hear you were behind the curve and not at the cutting edge of gossip.

What your adoring public needs to know is what will happen to "Hemmings Way"? Some suggestions:

Hughes Sorry Now?

Oaten About - Mark goes to the country

I'd Like to Teach the World to Ming

Huhne knows the secret of the Black Magic box (one for older readers, that one)

Ming Campbell - "The knife was THIS big"

Bad taste I know

"Who's for a drink"

How many Bottles did Charlie get through a week?

Who wants to be captain of the SS Titanic then?

Huhne: Do you know who I am?

Meet the Spice Libs: Smarmy, Shorty, Scary and Ming!

Hughes: I'm coming to get you!

Ming: My knife I used on Kennedy was THIS big!

Oaten goes closest on Hitler salute impression.

The Lib Dem defence attempt to catch the steaming run of Right winger Nick clegg offside

Not waving but drowning.

At the Lib Dem panto, they all wanted to catch a sweetie.

(Slightly disgusting, but I couldn't resist...)

Animals mark their territory with urine, LibDems with BO.

Would the person with the majority backing of Lib-Dem MPs please raise their hand.

Who reckons they would get more votes if they were in the Big Brother House?

Hustings, Question 1: Please demonstrate how you would attract the electorate to the party?

'Coo-eee, the media, we're over here?'

The Lib Dem candidates perform the Village People's hit "YMCA" with varying levels of success.

Time for Lib-Dem bye bye!

How many did you nominate?

Would all the candidates please raise the hand(s) with which they stabbed Kennedy.

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