Boris to ConservativeHome rally: The forthcoming London Mayoral election will be "between Hercules and the Lernean hydra, Holmes and Moriarty, Harry Potter and Voldemort..."

By Paul Goodman

I've got a transcript of Boris Johnson's speech to the ConservativeHome "Rally for Boris" earlier this evening, and while Tim and Jonathan are entertaining the Great Man will offer a summary of the main points.

• The framework of the speech was the coming London Mayoral contest... ("I have looked carefully at all the other possible mayors there might be and the answer seems to be that the options are limited.")

• ...Between a Labour candidate who encapsulates vice... ("A piece of DNA preserved in the tar pits of Cricklewood...a fossil from the GLC of the 1970s...a living breathing relic from the era of industrial strife...a candidate who is a wholly owned subsidiary of the trades unions...a candidate who wants to take city hall back to an unchanged and unrepentant regime of waste and cronyism.")

•  ...And a Conservative candidate who embodies virtue...

• ...By "standing up for London"...by supporting Crossrail ("I am a bigger Crossrail bore than the Crossrail bore itself"), resisting the Treasury ("Did you know that every day the London Underground system carries as many passengers as the whole of the rest of the national rail network put together?  Not a lot of people know that...and not a lot of people know that in the treasury either, and it is my job to tell them) and backing bankers ("I may say to all bankers out there: I will defend you, but it would be easier if you made significant donations.")

• ...And who has a proud record of proven achievement...("50,000 homes, more police on the beat, less bus crime, less knife crime, lowest murder rate since 1978, re-offending down.")

• ...And will set his bounds "wider still and wider"...("Our mission is very simple...to make London a safer and more attractive city to live in and to invest in...the Olympics...5000 trees...eleven parks...bike hire scheme which is the envy of the world and stands in relation to the paris scheme as a rolls Royce stands to a 2cv...a green technology zone...new river crossings...a cable car...a gigantic curly wurly type hubble bubble privately financed......and all with a frozen share of the Council Tax.")

• ...So the voters of London have a choice...

• ...Between Hercules and the Lernean hydra, Holmes and Moriarty, Harry Potter and Voldemort...("It seems that this contest is fated to continue for more than one episode, and with the death eaters of union militancy on the march, prepared to suck the life out of British industry, we need your help, my fellow Con Home homies,

• to continue our work to make London safer,

• to improve our quality of life,

• to help young people,

• to stick up for London...

• and to stick it up those who would seek to take it back...and in all these objectives I know I can count on your support.")