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Boris wants Heffer in the Commons

HefferObamaed Simon Heffer may have rubbished Boris Johnson on the eve of last year's election but London's Mayor urges his Telegraph colleague to run for Parliament today.  The whole column is Boris at his teasing best.  Read it all but here's a taster:

"Imagine the thrill of watching a debate in the Commons, and all the Buggins'-turn merchants making their predictable contributions; and then imagine the look on their faces as Heffer rises to satirise the proceedings – irascible, implacable and, above all, independent. Imagine if Heffer could be persuaded to serve on one of the European standing committees. He would not succeed in stemming the tide of European legislation, since it is constitutionally impossible to do so; but he would make the most fantastic fuss, and he would remind the British public what was going on.

I have heard it said that the Conservatives are using this crisis to drum out some of the old guard and install a cooler, groovier and more metropolitan breed of Conservative. Well, anyone anxious about such a move should vote for Heffer, since it is frankly hard to imagine anyone less groovy or metropolitan. If we send him to Parliament he would be the grit in the oyster, the bacillus that makes the yogurt come alive. The embers of his political ambition have plainly been smouldering quietly, ever since Cambridge. We must all puff on those embers now.

If it helps spur him to action, let me say that to wimp out and content himself with being a journalist – with an expense account, without responsibility, a mere chucker of rocks from the sidelines – would be the action of a big girl's blouse. This is no time for pussyfooting. This is no time to trifle with the hopes of the people. I speak with the assurance of one who has worked with Heffer for 21 years. We want the Heff, as we affectionately call him, and we want him now."

Tim Montgomerie


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