Tracey Crouch MP: Tories will be re-elected if they get the country out of the economic mess, not get themselves into the jungle

Tracey Crouch is the Member of Parliament for Chatham and Aylesford. Follow Tracey on Twitter.

The punters in the pub are disappointed I didn’t go to the Jungle. Why? I asked. Is it because they do not relate to me, they wanted to know more about Tracey Crouch, their local Tory MP, and see me raise the big issues of the day with celebrities they’ve never heard of? Nope – they wanted to see me eat Kangaroo willies and scream my head off being covered in cockroaches!

I drink in the pub most weekends. I go to the supermarket in skinny jeans and walk to the village shop with trackie bottoms over my PJs. I gulp at the cost of filling up my car with diesel. I stand on the side of a football pitch most Sundays in shorts freezing my knobbly knees off. I swear when my beloved Tottenham play like pants. I swear at other things too. Half way through the month I need to check my bank account on a daily basis. I love the X Factor and trash TV. I hardly ever remember to ring my mum back and forget birthdays. I call an electrician a sparky. I give my car parking ticket with time left on it to someone else. I eat too much chocolate and drink too much wine. I laugh and cry at things I shouldn’t. I crush spiders with the shoes I’ve left lying untidily around the house. I’m rubbish at maths.

I would consider myself normal. But how can I be? I am a MP. And apparently that makes me abnormal and unable to relate to people.