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Mayday, mayday. Whips Office calling. Stop Michael Fabricant now. We repeat. Stop Michael Fabricant now.

By Paul Goodman
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Imagine what it's like to enjoy a pint or two, be locked away in the Priory for years - and then suddenly be released into a brewery.

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It's fair to say that Michael Fabricant, MP for Lichfield, doesn't mind a bit of publicity.  But his confinement for many years in the Whips Office constrained his natural talent for it.

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Mr Fabricant stepped down as a Whip at the last reshuffle, has gone on Twitter - and is becoming a tweeting sensation.

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I'm not referring only to his tweets about fake boobs and naked photoshoots.  Have a look at the ones above and below.

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Those tweets helped to keep the Andrew Mitchell story going after last Wednesday's PMQs.  Mr Fabricant protested his innocence - see below.

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And he insists that he doesn't bear a grudge against the former Chief Whip at all.  At least, I think that's what he's saying.

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Let's accept that Mr Fabricant wasn't trying to get Mr Mitchell into trouble.  He was simply stating the bleeding obvious and, in other tweets, displaying his sense of humour.

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But there's a problem here.  As he well knows, being a former Whip, MPs are not allowed to have a sense of humour.  Apologies.  What I mean is that they're not allowed to show it if they do.

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Apologies again.  What I really mean is that they are allowed to show it, but not at the expense of their colleagues.

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Yes, Michael: why were you cringing when watching Newsnight yesterday evening?  What - or should we say who - could possibly have evoked that comment?

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I am not suggesting for a moment that Mr Fabricant's tweets are always unhelpful to his colleagues or the Government.  Far from it.  See above, for example.

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But let's just say that if were a Whip I would want him silenced, and fast.  He must know this.  And the Whips must know he knows it.

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There's only one rational explanation.  That his real game is to force them to buy his silence - by bringing him back to the Whips Office as Pairing Whip.

Follow Michael Fabricant MP on Twitter.

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