Everything you need to know about the war between Toby Helm and Tory Education News

By Paul Goodman
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• Toby Helm is the Political Editor of the Observer.

• Tory Education News is a mystery account on Twitter.  It describes itself as "pantomime villian of leftie education folk".

• The two are at war.  No-one can quite remember why.  But in an act of proportionate editorial judgement, the Observer splashed on the story yesterday.

• Gove wife and Times columnist Sarah Vine, famous for hiding his underpants and limiting sex to once a month, has joined battle on her husband's side.

• The whole business is something to do with Dominic Cummings, one of Gove's Special Advisers.

• Tory Education News has tweeted Helm a tranquilising video of a Bach Brandenburg Concerto.

• A video claiming to show Cummings expounding his political views has been tweeted.  However, it shows Colonel Kurtz from Apocalypse Now expounding his philosophy of life.

• Over the weekend, odds on Gove quitting the Cabinet were dramatically slashed.

• Stephen Twigg, Labour's Education Spokesman, has called for an enquiry.

• And that's the most sense I can make of it all, I'm afraid.