By Paul Goodman
Readers will be following the row about Anjem Choudary’s Islam4UK and its proposed march through Wootton Bassett.
I can now reveal exclusively a recent transcript of an Islam4UK committee meeting, which has fallen into my hands.
ConservativeHome has kindly agreed to publish it in the public interest:
Choudary: Order, order. OK, now. We need exclusives. We need scoops. We need the front page. I want ideas, creativity, stunts –
Voice One: - OK boss, how’s this?
Choudary: Fire away.
Voice One: Er…let’s see now…how about a photo of Buckingham Palace on our website with…with a giant mosque superimposed!
Choudary (wearily): We’ve done that.
Voice Two: Me, boss! Me, me, me!
Choudary: Go ahead.
Voice Two: Well…how about…how about a picture of Nelson’s column with…with Nelson taken off the top…and a huge crescent put on!
Choudary (exasperated): We’ve tried that. For [expletive deleted] sake, are you all [expletive deleted] asleep this morning?
Voice One: Pardon, boss.
Voice Two: Sorry, boss.
Choudary: You’re both [expletive deleted] useless, why don’t you both just…just…
[Long pause.]
Choudary: Wait a second, wait a second…[pause]. Hang on a moment. Now tell me…what’s the most revered institution in Britain?
Voice One: Stonehenge solstice?
Voice Two: Boris Johnson?
Choudary: No, no…the place and occasion which, if disrupted, would cause maximum offence to Middle Britain…and Upper and Lower Britain, too…to everyone.
Voice One: Queen’s Christmas broadcast?
Choudary: You’re getting close.
Voice Two: Boxing Day sales?
Choudary: Closer, closer. [Pause. Then, triumphantly -] Wootton Bassett.
Voice One: Wow!
Voice Two: Gotcha!
Choudary: Here’s the plan. We announce a protest march. Dilemma for the politicians. If they don’t ban it, they’re weak on terror. But if they do ban it…they’re quashing free speech!
Voices One and Two: Brilliant!
Choudary: And above all, headlines! Headlines, headlines, headlines! English Defence League enraged! Mainstream Muslims marginalised! With any luck, they’ll be turmoil, arrests…(dreamily) violence!
Voices One and Two: Yes…Yes!
Choudary: Always confront. Always divide. Destroy the centre! Build up the extremes! Groom, exploit, and radicalise the young! [Awestruck.] Do you know…with any luck…we can actually push up the BNP poll ratings.
Voice One (Awestruck): Visionary!
Choudary: Have you kept Griffin’s number?
Voices One and Two: Sure thing!
Choudary: Well, don’t forget to tip him off. (Reflectively.) You know, the tabloids ought to pay us commission. They ought to employ us.
(Laughter.)
Choudary: But of course, they’ve missed the story…
Voice One: Sorry, boss?
Voice Two: What do you mean, boss?
Choudary: Well…I know we’re noisy. I know we’re extreme. But the truth is, lads…we don’t represent anyone.
Voice One: Don’t say that, boss!
Voice Two: That really hurts.
Choudary: No, no…but we don’t, really. And we know it. Ministers don’t talk to us…they don’t fund us. They ban us, of course, from time to time…but they won’t ban Hizb-ut-Tahrir. They don’t fund us, as I say…but they did fund the Cordoba Foundation. Cameron got quite angry about that. They don’t talk to us, as I say…but they do talk to all sorts of strange people. Remember Al-Awlaki?
Voice One: What, the extremist cleric?
Choudary: Yeah…well, one of his fans ended up running the Civil Service Islamic Society.
Voices One and Two: You couldn’t make it up!
Choudary: And the moral is…?
Voice One: Sack Brown?
Voice Two: Vote Conservative?
Choudary: No: it’s this. The more important the story, the less you’re likely to read it! Now, all together, lads…
Choudary, Voice One, Voice Two (singing): “We’re in the money”…”We’re in the money”…
