Today the Prime Minister made a last ditch attempt to win back Middle England. He launched a new war on anti-social behaviour. He said he’s taking Britain on the fast road to recovery. He tried to act like he’s a winner. It didn't work. Middle England has fallen out of love with Labour. Too many promises have been broken, too many dates missed, too many words, too few deeds.
It was always an unlikely relationship. From the start there were worries about whether you really believed in the same thing. But like so many romances these concerns were lost in the heady days of courtship. Today the flashing white teeth, tanned torso and easy charm of Tony seem distant memories. The good times, the cool parties, the lavish spending seemed like they would never end. You bought a new car and moved to a bigger house. There were a few rows about the company he kept and about his foreign adventures but you were largely content and excited about the future.
It was a blow when this dashing suitor fell out with his work mates and left you. There was always a nagging doubt that he thought he was better than you and this was confirmed when Tony fled to foreign climes and the celebrity circuit. So it seemed strangely natural to be comforted by Gordon. He wasn't handsome but he was reliable. He couldn't make you laugh but he had strong values. And above all he worked hard and had a way with numbers. The house and the kids would be secure.
Wrong! Now not only are the foreign holidays, spending money and luxury goods gone but these strange bills keep popping through the letterbox - when the postman’s not on strike that is. The last one was addressed to the kids and was for £25,000 each. The neighbourhood’s lost its sheen too. There are for sale signs everywhere but no one’s moving fast. More and more local shops are boarded up and the even the Dog and Duck has closed down so you can't drown your sorrows.
And if that wasn’t enough there’s Gordon. He disappears without telling you where he’s gone or how long he’ll be away. He’s never around when the dishwasher goes wrong and you are forced to call on his new friend ‘Perfect Peter’ to fix things. When Gordon is home, he never says a word to you he just buries his head in a book or stares and shakes his head at the TV.
For old time’s sake you’ve tried to talk things over and sort it out. He promises life will be different. He says he’s got a new plan to make things right. But every time you believe him another crisis happens. Even the mini break to Brighton couldn’t raise your spirits.
Your friends have told you many times. He’ll never change. Sometimes you think he’s unlucky, sometimes you even feel sorry for him. But now you know that it’s him or you. It’s time to move on.
