[With apologies to Jeff Wayne. Possibly the most disturbing part of this was how few words I actually needed to change...]
GORDON: Listen, do you hear them drawing near in their search for the Electorate?
Feeding on the power of our fear and the splits in the Cabinet
Incarnation of Thatcher's creation of all that we dread
When the Tories arrive those alive would be better off dead!
PETER: There must be something worth standing for
There must be something worth trying for
Even some things worth holding an Election for
And if one man can stand tall
There must be hope for us all
Somewhere, somewhere, in the mantras of New Labour
GORDON: Once there was a time when I believed without hesitation
That saying “investment” versus “cuts” could conquer all in the name of socialism
Tell me what kind of weapon is spin, when it comes to the fight
And just how much protection is a broad tax base against all the Credit Crunch’s might?
PETER: There must be something worth standing for
There must be something worth trying for
Even some things worth holding an Election for
And if one man can stand tall
There must be some hope for us all
Somewhere, somewhere, in the mantras of New Labour
People admired you and feared you, called you the Iron Chancellor
GORDON: Didn't I warn them this would happen?
Invest for the long term, I said.
For the forces of Conservatism never rest.
I said exorcise the free marketeer!
But no, they wouldn't listen.
The imbalances in the economy grew and grew.
Until the sub-prime crisis triggered banking system collapse.
And destroyed the world we knew.
PETER: No, no Gordon
Oh no no Gordon!
No, no Gordon, no
There must be more to life
There has to be a way
That we can restore to life
The poll ratings we used to know
No Gordon, no
There must be more to life
There has to be a way
That we can restore to life
The voters’ trust in us
GORDON: Now our poll ratings have fallen below 20% and all your spin cannot save us
We've lost the reputation for good economic management that Tony had given us
To the General Election like lambs to the slaughter we're led
When the Election results arrive, the survivors will envy those spending more time with their families!
PETER: There must be something worth standing for
GORDON: No, there is nothing!
PETER: There must be something worth trying for
GORDON: I don't believe it's so
PETER: Even some things worth holding a General Election for
If just one man could stand tall
There would be some hope for us all
Somewhere, somewhere, in the mantras of New Labour
GORDON: Forget about voter trust and the belief in our competence - they're gone.
Didn't I warn them...
Invest I said.
No more boom and bust, I said...
The financial markets wouldn't listen.
I could have saved the world.
But now it's too late.
Too late!!!
PETER: No, no Gordon
Oh no, no Gordon
No, no, Gordon, no
There must be more to life
There has to be a way
That we can restore to life
The poll ratings we used to know
No Gordon, no
There must be more to life
There has to be a way
That we can restore to life
The voters’ trust in us
GORDON: By Tony’s cufflinks! A landslide’s swept away our majority! And we're under 200 seats - in a period of opposition!
JOURNALIST: The Cameroons spent the first hundred days arranging swingeing spending cuts. They set up a series of committees, on each of which a loyal Conservative frontbencher sat. I read a report by them recommending cuts in NHS spending of nearly 20 per cent. These cuts were duly implemented despite a short strike by the nurses.
GORDON: Peter! He’s left! Gone off to form his own new party. Why?
Tony! Why did you persuade him to do that?
There is a curse on Socialism.
We may well never be forgiven.
For making Tony, Tony resign as leader of the Labour Party
