Where’s Mandy, asks Iain Dale? Easy. He’s shut away in Downing Street working on the most challenging, demanding important task he has ever had to do. Teaching Gordon to say the S-word. The Obama disc may or may not have been ordered, who cares? The point is that Gordon needs to do it.
It’s not difficult to imagine. Every parent has had to teach their child how to say sorry and why it’s important. We’re used to all the excuses, evasions and dissembling - Wasn’t me! He did it! She did it! Don’t know who did it, it just wasn’t me! – the running away and hiding, the volcanic tantrums, the toy-throwing, anything rather face up to what they have done and say sorry. We’ve all explained slowly and patiently how it’s really important to take responsibility for what you’ve done and accept the consequences, how it makes people even crosser with you if you won’t admit it than they were about what you did in the first place, how if you can say sorry straightaway and mean it people will respect that, how you’ll feel better when you’ve done it. And then when they force out a muttered, eyes-averted “sorry”, making sure they identify precisely what it is they are sorry for, to make sure they mean it, rather than simply saying sorry to get you off their back. And reminding them that a genuine sorry needs to be marked by a change of behaviour not carrying on regardless.
We’ve been there Peter. It’s a necessary life-skill to impart. It's part of becoming a grown-up. And some people find it very, very hard. But as you’re finding out, rearing our children right is the hardest and most important thing we’ll ever have to do.
Gordon is beginning to remind me in some respects of Otto in A Fish Called Wanda. Otto thought he was a world-beater, hated being called stupid, blamed other people for everything, and was awed by his own intellect. But he lost the money, lost the girl, and ended up getting steam-rollered.
There’s a wonderful scene when Wanda tells him why he needs to say sorry. Sadly it’s not all on YouTube, but for some weekend light relief, there’s a clip at the end of this post of what happens immediately beforehand. If anyone can load up the whole scene and let me know, I’ll embed it. If (which it might be) imagining Kevin Kline as Gordon and Jamie-Lee Curtis as "Manda" isn’t too much of a stretch, the scene, with a few minor adjustments, might go like this:
Gordon: Don't call me stupid.
Manda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Gordon: Apes don't read economics.
Manda: Yes, they do, Gordon. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Milton Keynes is not an economic advisory council. You didn’t abolish Boom and Bust. If you can’t pay your debts you don’t borrow more. Those are all mistakes, Gordon. I looked up your polling. Now... you have just destroyed the one thing that could keep you in power, that made the country rich. So what are you gonna do about it, huh? What would an intellectual do? What would Obama do?
Gordon: Apol...
Manda: Pardon me?
Gordon: Apolo...
Manda: What?
Gordon: Apologise!
Manda: Right!
Gordon: I'm sorry.
Manda: No. Not to me, to the voters. And make it good, or we're dead.
Gordon: Oh, I'm so very, very, very, very s... I'm s... I'm very, very s... I'm so very s... Very, very, very s... Very, very...
