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The modern Conservative Party caters for everyone

(In case you cannot read the leaflet inserted in the bottom left it's from the Conservative Humanist Association).

Coffee House has a photograph of David Miliband and his banana!

Boris Johnson is "pure party Viagra"

A list compiled by Tatler magazine has Boris Johnson as the most wanted party guest.  David Cameron comes in at Number 12 in Tatler's annual list of what the Daily Mail calls "the [100] most wanted Toffs in town".

Tatler’s editor Geordie Greig told The Mail: "Boris and Marina have become the most head-turning couple in Britain – and this is no longer just to do with his mad blond hairstyle. He has become a folk hero in London and beyond, and his letterbox has become almost choked with invitations."

So our question to you: Which Tory would you most like at your party and why? You could have David Willetts and his silver shoes.

Move over, Theresa

At a summer party last night, attended by David Cameron, one male member of the shadow cabinet wore these silver shoes.  Can any readers guess the identity of the proud owner?

11.30am: It was David Willetts.  Guests were invited to his home and asked to wear something bright.  The host certainly did so!  It was a great party, David.  Thanks for the invitation.

Furious MP in cow snub

Hoping to raise awareness of the bovine TB crisis Daniel Kawczynski, MP for Shrewsbury and Chairman of the APPG for Dairy Farmers, was hoping to bring a cow to the green outside Parliament as part of a demonstration with hundreds of farmers. The authorities blocked the idea however (download letter):

"I am furious that they are preventing me from highlighting the appalling situation of bovine TB in this country. Thousands of Dairy farmers around England are going bust as a result of this appalling disease and the government is not lifting a finger to deal with the crisis."

It is a serious issue. We've already noted one aspect of the Government's ambivalence towards rural Britain today. According to this DEFRA document almost 10000 animals were slaughtered between January and March this year on account of bovine tuberculosis. Farmers really feel that the DEFRA Minister - a vegetarian and MP for the rugged constituency of Leeds Central - understands their livelihoods.

(On CentreRight recently Alex Deane wrote in favour of culling badgers as a means of controlling bovine TB, and Graeme Archer against.)

Headcases

We've just added Headcases' portrayal of Nick Clegg to the PlayPolitical website.  Click here to watch the portrayals of Clegg, Cameron and Brown.  In summary: Cameron is mocked as aloof, Clegg as childish and
Brown as very boring.

Headcases broadcasts on Sunday at 10pm on ITV1.

Another unfortunate Whitehall logo

First Labour brought us the swastika logo and now this, designed for the Office of Government Communications:

A quick 90' clockwise rotation shows you the problem.

Hat-tip to The Register.

How Tory is your partner?

He was busy yesterday launching the new Tory ideas on school discipline but he was also writing a columnn for The Times in which he sets out a quiz that will help you decide whether your partner is too Tory, Tory enough or not at all Tory.  Here's our summary of Michael Gove's column:

Who is your favourite Today presenter?

• Simply Too Tory for words: “I never listen to anything on the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation other than when Vaughan Williams is Composer of the Week on the Third Programme"
• Just Tory Enough: “Evan Davis seems very balanced”
• Not Tory: “It's not about personalities; it's about issues, and until we move away from this presenter-led model of broadcasting to a more radically democratic way of holding power to account, we'll never get anywhere.”

Choice of holiday reading:

• Simply Too Tory for words: Friedrich Hayek's The Road to Serfdom
• Just Tory Enough: Young Stalin by Simon Sebag-Montefiore
• Not Tory: Anything actually by Josef Stalin

Ideal holiday destination:

• Simply Too Tory for words: The Wagner festival at Bayreuth
• Just Tory Enough: Cornwall
• Not Tory: “Holidays are a trick of the bourgeoisie to make the alienation of wage labour tolerable to those whose eyes have never been opened to the dream of justice - but if you're paying, it's got to be Goa, hasn't it?”

Favourite film:

• Simply Too Tory for words: "The Dam Busters - or, basically, any film in which Jerry gets it in the eye"
• Just Tory Enough: "The first Elizabeth, with Cate Blanchet"
• Not Tory: "The Wind that Shakes the Barley, Gandhi, The Patriot or Breaker Morant - or, basically, any film in which British imperialists get it in the eye."

So now you know.

They don't make 'em like they used to

To mark the 30th anniversary of the Conservative Party Archive at Oxford's Bodleian Library, the Conservative Party’s historic poster collection has been published online.

Click here to open the image-viewing browser to see over 600 digitised posters.

Lord Parkinson, Chairman of the Conservative Party Archive Trust, said:

"By placing these posters online, we hope to open up the study of Conservative history to a new generation. They show that Conservatives have always stood for freedom, for the rule of law and safeguarding our national identity. By contrast, Labour Governments throughout history have increased taxes and extended the intrusive state – Gordon Brown’s Government is no different."

Many of the posters echo current political issues...

Promoting National Socialism

Guido Fawkes has noted that on the day No.10 confirms the appointment of their new web guru, they sent out an email linking to an unfinished Downing Street online discussion forum called Promoting Prosperity, ahead of tomorrow's Progressive Governance Summit.

It's not a good day for whoever they paid a no doubt considerable sum to design the logo either....

11pm: The heavily-promoted website has now been password-protected.

1pm next day: Website finally back up with new logo. Guido rightly questioning why the taxpayer is paying for a self-described centre-left summit.

Lines for William Hague to use tomorrow against 'Harriet Stab-Proof Vest Harman'

We've already blogged on Harriet Harman's crazy decision to wear a stab-proof vest on a visit to her constituency but, with Gordon Brown away, she faces William Hague at PMQs tomorrow.  Let's feed him some lines...

And for some light relief...

Fill in the speech bubble from today's PMQs...

What politicians really mean when they say "I don't pay attention to opinion polls"

Over at Atlantic.com Dana Milbank has compiled "A Berlitz guide to Washington English".  Here are a few of her 'translations'...

I have great respect for the senior senator.
I am about to drill my elderly colleague a new one.

We have full confidence in his integrity.
We will cut him loose by nightfall.

I don’t pay attention to the polls.
My job-approval rating is 32 percent.

It’s time to stop playing politics.
The other party has a winning political issue.

As I said in my Wall Street Journal op-ed last week …
I am so important that I can quote myself.

Thank you for the very frank and candid discussion.
You just spit in my eye.

Other translations are welcome in the thread below...

Our picks of the year (II)

Yesterday we shared our favourite video, moment and funny of the year. Today we've got three related more to ConservativeHome itself.

Platform article of the year

Tim - Murdo Fraser MSP's article at the end of October: We must not allow nationalists to drive England and Scotland apart.  Some of the ToryDiary threads on the Scottish question have turned quite ugly in the last few months.  Murdo's piece hit all of the right notes and towards the end of the year David Cameron made it abundantly clear that he wasn't going to take risks with the Union.

Samuel - Paul Goodman MP's essay in January on the problems with Islamism in the UK - Islamism: from analysis to action. At 2000 words it was twice as long as I normally like Platform pieces to be, but every sentence was worth keeping. Writing shortly after Despatches' Undercover Mosque programme and Policy Exchange's survey showing that 40% of British Muslims want Sharia law and one in eight young Muslims would "fight the West", he looked at what makes a moderate Muslim, ways in which they can be supported, and how they should respond to the problem that "all terrorists are Islamists, but not all Islamists are terrorists". We've had a very good run of Platform pieces in the last two weeks, including: Caroline Jackson MEP's criticism of the new EU party grouping, Andrew Mitchell's Boxing Day article on the lessons to be learned from the tsunami, David Cameron's piece on the situation in Afghanistan, Ben Rogers' and Nirj Deva MEP's response to Bhutto's murder, Mark Brooks' piece on male victims of domestic abuse, Greg Clark and Jeremy Hunt's explanation of their thesis that Conservatives are the new progressives, Greg Hands' anecdotes about the immigration service... et al. If you have an idea for an article that you would like us to publish, please feel free to email me about it.

Regret of the year

Tim - Iraq has dominated geopolitics for the last five years and the divergence of US and British policy towards the conflict was the most important real story of 2007.  America, through General Petraeus' troops surge, showed that it was willing to try one more time to make the nation it liberated a half-tolerable place to live.  Brown couldn't get out fast enough - infamously playing politics with British troop withdrawals.  To say that Britain was defeated in Iraq is no slur on our courageous and badly-led troops but it is the truth.  It was also disappointing that the Conservatives were unwilling to champion the surge at the outset or credit it when it had succeeded in delivering a massive reduction in violence.  William Hague's response to Petraeus' success was bland at its best and the Shadow Foreign Secretary was too ready to credit Sunni leaders rather than American policy for the halving of violence despite the connectedness of the two developments.  Only the odd pairing of Iain Duncan Smith and John Bercow spoke up for the surge in the Commons.  I can only hope that David Cameron's recent visit to Washington signals the beginning of something different.

Samuel - It's been a good year generally, I started working on the site and related projects on a proper full-time basis at the start of January and have been lucky enough to travel abroad a lot and get to know some great people down in London. The Party is generally getting closer to what I wanted it to be like when I joined. One regret that comes to mind ConservativeHome-wise is something that has been raised with me by a few candidates, and that is the critical comments about them being posted on here by readers. I don't believe anything particularly nasty or libellous has been put up (if you ever see anything like that please don't hesitate to email us and we'll take action asap) but it's fair to say that perceptions of some candidates have been coloured by what is discussed about them online.  Other candidates laugh it off and say you need a thick skin in this game and also that it's healthy to be able to voice genuine concerns about an aspect of a candidates' past etc. Knowing which comments to overwrite really is a tricky one. We do try our best to avoid needlessly hurting anyone's prospects as well as needlessly muting opinions.

Highlight of the year

Tim - One highlight was an ICM survey that showed that twice as many MPs used ConservativeHome as any other blog.  I was more encouraged by the progress of the ConservativeHome Members' Panel, however.  It was widely quoted by the mainstream media during 2007 but when it showed unhappiness with David Cameron there were often 'shoot-the-messenger' complaints that it had been infiltrated by non-Tories.  But, after the dramatic events leading up to Bottler Saturday, there was a massive bounceback in the standing of Cameron and George Osborne, in particular.  Exactly the same population that had been dissatisfied was now largely satisfied with the direction of the party.  In recent weeks I've met a number of shadow cabinet members who have admitted that their own local Associations were decidedly negative from the grammars schools row until the Blackpool Conference.  The grassroots may be open to the charge of being fickle but the monthly panel survey does capture the temperature of the membership.  ConservativeHome's Agenda/ Manifesto for 2008 - launching on 7th January - will be based on Panel findings.  The December survey is still live here if you want to have your say.

Samuel - We had a fun but busy night liveblogging the local/Welsh/Scottish election results in May. Rather surreally we were doing so from St Stephen's Tavern opposite Parliament as the BBC had commandered it and filled it with pundits and cameras. We got information from grassroots activists from all over the country as well as some senior bods in Party HQ, which meant we were very often ahead of the TV networks. I think we left at about 5am and continued coverage a few hours later. I felt we'd done a good job of aggregating what was going on in the media and providing a place for Tory anoraks to chat about it all (there were almost 600 comments). I look forward to seeing how we can cover the next general election.

Our picks of the year (I)

Newspapers and blogs are full of reviews of the year at the moment. We'll be posting our own political highlights over the next couple of days, starting with these three...

Video of the year

Tim - I've cheated in this category and chosen two winners and both really are picks of the year.   Viral videos will be big at the next election and not for the squeamish but Guido Fawkes' video of Gordon Brown appearing to repeatedly pick his nose while sitting next to Tony Blair at Prime Minister's Question Time has been watched hundreds of thousands of times on YouTube.  The Australians also proved that politicians can never hide from their on-camera past. This vintage footage of Kevin Rudd eating his ear wax during a parliamentary debate was one of the most watched videos of the downunder election.  Unfortunately it wasn't enough to stop Labor's Rudd from ousting John Howard.

Samuel - A World Without America was the most successful viral video we made when based at 18 Doughty Street at the start of the year. It showed a British newsreader reporting on various crises that wouldn't have happened in a hypothetical world in which America didn't exist. It sparked both delight and hostility in the US, with it being played on national news networks and talk radio shows and attracting 12000 (and counting!) comments on YouTube. A great example of how the internet enables you to get a message out relatively cheaply - in this case, that it's easy to take America for granted.

Moment of the year

Tim - This has been the most extraordinary political year and we are spoilt for choice in this category.  Sam chose first and I probably would agree that 'Bottler Saturday' was the decisive political moment of the year. Avoiding being an echo, however, I'll choose the moment when Alistair Darling announced that the personal data of half the population had been lost by HMRC.  I choose that moment not because it was the worst deed of this Government but because incompetence is its hallmark.  The NHS computer fiasco, the release of foreign prisoners, the overpayment of tax credits, the run on Northern Rock, the mishandling of Foot and Mouth... This Government really would struggle to run a bath.  Although Labour is deservedly seen as being at least as sleazy as the Major administration I do not think sleaze will kill Brown politically.  It will be incompetence.  Most voters don't expect politicians to be particularly ethical but they do hope for basic management ability.

Samuel - Definitely Brown bottling out of the election. I feared we would have taken quite a beating from Brown if he called the election early. But, as Nick Robinson put it succinctly, he took the weapon that is choosing the timing of an election and "contrived to turn the weapon upon himself, wounding both his reputation and the morale of his party". He has lost his chance to ask to be given a chance. A couple of newspapers reckoned our exclusive story on it definitely being called off contributed to the disaster that was his announcement, which was nice.

"Funny" of the year

Tim - You can watch it on PlayPolitical here.  Acting LibDem leader Vince Cable became a superstar in the Westminster Village because of his From Stalin to Mr Bean jibe.  A cleverer and more human person would have laughed it off but Gordon Brown reacted with a stoney face.  Mr Cable almost never made the joke.  His wife had given it the thumbs down then he had tried it out on her.  Mr Cable was not actually first with the Bean idea, however.  That honour should go to Leo McKinstry who had made the Bean-Brown comparison a few days earlier in the Daily Express.

Samuel - Tony Blair meets Catherine Tate, and isn't bovvered. For Red Nose Day Tate went into her famous chavvy schoolgirl mode and did a scene with Tony Blair in No.10. After she waffles for a bit he cuts her off and after a pregnant pause turns the tables on her by coming out with the immortal "...am I bothered" line. People were amazed to hear those words come from our Prime Minister and he did it pretty perfectly. A good reminder of how much of a class act he is. Can you imagine how it would have went if Brown did it?!

Newspeak

"Political language has to consist largely of euphemism, question-begging and sheer cloudy vagueness."

With that quotation from George Orwell, the Centre for Policy Studies introduces its 2008 guide to 'Newspeak' and "the language of bureaucracy [that] has long provided a convenient disguise for government action, or inaction."

Here are a few of the terms from the CPS' 2008 Lexicon:

Anti-social behaviour: Anything of which the government does not approve.

Bandwagon: Something a political opponent is jumping on when he is closely in tune with public opinion.

Blue skies thinking: Uncosted ideas for further government activity.

Community leader: A self-appointed or government-appointed leader of a community group.

Czar: The well-paid head of a quango appointed to demonstrate activity in dealing with a problem (not to be confused with solving a problem).

Dialogue (meaningful): The pretence of genuine two-way communication.

Guidance: Government interference.

Looked after children (referring to children in state care):  Children who are not looked after.

Multi-agency: No one's responsible.

All too true but not - in our humble opinion - quite as good as Inigo Wilson's famous Lefty Lexicon of August 2006.

Download a PDF of the CPS' Lexicon from here by clicking 'View'.

10am: The CPS' Jill Kirby writes about 'Newspeak' for today's Independent.

Brown and Bean

Earlier this week Daily Mail columnist Amanda Platell spoke to a Tory gathering and suggested that there might be one or more parallels between Gordon Brown and Mr Bean...

"I have been doing some research on Mr Bean. And there are rather more parallels than you night expect.

First of all, his only friend is a Teddy Bear.   And a Teddy Bear has been the one media diversion over the last few days that has helped distract public attention from Brown’s woes.  May be he should make a bear his mascot?

Then there are the words of this reviewer: “Bean often seems unaware of basic aspects of the way the world works… [Sound familiar?]...  “The humour largely comes from his original and often absurd solutions to any problems and his total disregard for others when solving them, his pettiness and occasional malevolence.”  Now that does ring a bell.

Then there is his fondness for Latin mottos. Brown is proud of his alma mater’s Usque Conabor, which you will all know translates to not “I will cock things up” but to “I shall try to the utmost.”  But I am looking forward to the day when he adopts “Vale homo qui est faba.” You have got it: “Farewell man who is bean."

Related link: Brown as Bean posters

Mr Bean posters

Thanks to Chris Rowland (top), Chad Noble (middle) and Alan Collins (bottom) for the following three:

The Government of no talent, in limericks

After his valiant efforts on Friday's jokes post, reader John Leonard has penned a poetic tribute to Brown's Cabinet:

A dithering big ‘feartie’ called Brown,

Had a face that was always a frown,

His hands were all shaky,

His vision was flaky,

In short, a political clown.

The Home Sec’s name was Smiff,

She had an incredible tiff,

To defend Ian Blair,

Left her in despair,

And remembering that toke on a spliff.

In housing there was ‘nosey’ Cooper,

Who hired an army of snoopers,

But she’ll have her chips,

When they throw out her HIPS,

And she’ll end up a lavatory super.

Kate Moss mistakes David Cameron for a plumber

David Cameron is on Parkinson tonight - I'll open a thread once the programme starts at 10.45pm on ITV1.  The Tory leader appears alongside Lewis Hamilton, James Blunt and Ian McKellen but doesn't get a mention in the advance billing for the programme.

On the programme David Cameron talks about the time he met Kate Moss...

"I went to a charitable dinner the other night and Philip Green came up to me and said, 'Would you like to meet Kate Moss?' So I said, 'Well, of course I'd like to meet Kate Moss.' I went over to her table and on the way over I thought, what on earth am I going to say?

"And I remembered she actually has a house in my constituency and we'd had these terrible floods in West Oxfordshire and so I said, 'Very nice to meet you, very sorry about the flooding in your house. I know your local pub has been flooded, I've been to see the publican and I know you like to go to the pub and so I know it's going to re-open in six months.'

"So I went on like this, twittering on, and she turned around and said, 'God, you sound like a really useful guy, can I have your phone number?'"

Mr Cameron went on: "I went back to my table and said, 'The good news is, I met Kate Moss and she wanted my telephone number. The bad news is, I think she thinks I'm something to do with drainage.'"

Mr Cameron is also asked if his relationship with Gordon Brown resembles that of Hamilton V Alonso.  He discusses his privileged upbringing and the challenges of raising his own disabled son, Ivan.

Jokes for the weekend

Know any good political jokes? Here's an adaptation of an American one we saw on the ASI's blog:

A lobbyist on his way home from working in Parliament came to a stop in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic jam seems worse than usual."

Then he noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the holdup?"

The officer replied, "The Prime Minister is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why he bottled out of the election, or that he was planning his inheritance tax cut all along. So we're taking up a collection for him."

The lobbyist asked, "How much have you got so far?"

The officer replied, "About forty gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

All in jest...

We have a winner...

Well that was quick! We were over 150 comments away when we announced the prize yesterday evening.

Letters From A Tory, a blogger and Conservative Future member, made the 100,000th comment on ToryDiary ten minutes ago. We've contacted him and the David Cameron signed bottle (and mug) will be winging its way to him shortly.

Commiserations to those who were blatantly trying to get it, including Dale who offered us £200 for it. We'll have another competition soon!

Win a bottle of bottler

In the next few days we're expecting our 100,000th comment to be made on a ToryDiary post.

To celebrate, we will send the commenter who makes that landmark comment a very limited edition bottle of Bottler Brown ale. A few of these bottles were made for a light-hearted "protest" outside Downing St after Brown bottled it over the election.

The one we're giving away actually came from the Chief Whip's office cabinet, and will be signed by David Cameron. Someone in the Party put the last one up for sale on eBay having got it signed by David Cameron, and it fetched over £200!

It goes without saying that we will also throw in a ConservativeHome mug in case you actually want to drink the thing. Now that The Daily Politics is no longer allowed to give away its mugs under new BBC rules, the CH mug is surely the most sought after drinking utensil in Westminster.

"EU flag may fly over Tories old Smith Square HQ"

Great story in The Telegraph.  Earlier this year we reported EU plans to establish a big 'Embassy' in London.  It now appears that both Smith Square's old Tory HQ - scene of Margaret Thatcher's election triumphs - and Victoria Street's above-Starbucks HQ are leading candidates to be the home of this Embassy.  From homes of Euroscepticism they are set to become homes of Europropaganda.  I suppose it's fair enough.  We reclaimed Millbank Tower from new Labour, after all.

[Reminder to self: No more stories about Europe for at least five minutes!]

Greg Hands MP has just txted me with two great msgs

1. This will be the only ever news event that Gordon Brown doesn't reannounce.

2. James Purnell won't want to be in the picture of Brown's Andrew Marr interview. 

+ Guido now thinks Brownites should now be known as Brownies ;-)

And the best evader of Brown's stealth taxes is...

Last Saturday we offered a mug to the reader who got the best score on the newly-launched Taxman Gordon game. "Gav" is the highest person in the high scores with CH after their name, and second in general only because of the ridiculously high score of "El Bambi".

Well done Gav, email me with your address and make sure you get out of the house/do some work in the office! For a while most of the high scores had CH after their name but their positions have largely been usurped since then which is a good sign that it's spread beyond the hardcore e-Tories.

The photo on the right is of a classic-style arcade machine that was rigged up for the game at conference. To help spread the game further David Luckett (creator of the Back Boris Facebook Application) has made an Application for us that allows you to play it within Facebook.

Click here to add it to your profile and to invite your Facebook friends to do the same.

Deputy Editor