Inigo Wilson: A Lefty Lexicon

A few days ago in the Telegraph, journalist Simon Heffer expressed the hope that someone would, "write a book on the language of the Third Way, outlining the abuse of words - and with it the abuse of truth - that this administration has either implemented or condoned."

A while before, during a meeting at the company where I work, I heard someone from personnel remark that we were facing "issues around our diversity target implementation plan". It struck me that if this curious Lefty-inspired patois can be used - with a straight face - in a large modern business then the trenches in the language sector of the 'culture wars' must be all but overrun.

And there is evidence to be found in official communications not only of the changed language but also the altered priorities it attempts to mask. You can find some particularly rich hunting grounds among the well-stocked leaflet displays of Metropolitan Police stations. No one yet has formally announced that the Met doesn’t 'do' ordinary crime, but each flyer makes it clear that if you are one of the large range of very modern sounding 'victim' types, then you are the priority for modern policing.  See here for more of what's on offer.

Equally, almost anything from central Government or the 'education establishment' contain examples in abundance. We discover, to take an example at random, in the recent Home Office 'Respect Action Plan' that, "Key departments will work together to develop a cross-Government strategy to drive an improved service response to problem households. These departments, and their local service partners, have important roles to play in ensuring that mainstream adult and children’s services respond more quickly and effectively to these families and address gaps in provision." This means something like, "we must sound like we are doing things - but not too much because they probably vote for us".

Even the military have taken to expressions with rather diffuse meaning. 'Network-centric, effects-based warfare', for example, apparently means they put lap-tops in their tanks. It also probably also means that the MoD think we can be persuaded that, this way, we need less of them.

So why are our rulers and administrators resorting to this verbal equivalent of an artillery smoke barrage? The answer can be separated into the influences and motives that permeate New Labour.

The influences are largely consultants, academia and the 'rights industry'. Consultants infest modern government departments and quangos in large numbers and they use the same opaque, almost self-parodic jargon that they inflict on us in the private sector. Working for a quango a few years ago, I noticed that, perhaps due to a lack of confidence, state employees often tried to mimic 'consultantese', despite their understandably hesitant grasp of its original meaning.

There is also little doubt that academia has influenced - via the cod-philosophy of 'post-modernism' – the thought habits of many of the graduates exposed to this nonsense at university. Thus New Labour pioneered the view that the electorate can be persuaded by 'narratives' rather than, say, doing anything. Disappointingly, they so far seem to have been proved right.

Finally, there is the language of race and rights activists, part of the rainbow coalition of charities, pressure groups and human-rights lawyers. Between them, these contributors have built a whole new linguistic system to communicate with each other - and us.

As for the motive, well, if you want to hide some things and advance others while relatively undetected, then what better way to do it than by using language that has slipped the moorings of any tangible meaning. And every day is now 'a good day to bury bad news'.

If we want to limit the spread of this grating, euphemistic and deeply political language in our national life, the first thing to do is recognise it for what it is. So, in the list below, I've brought together some of my favourites - a compilation of 'key learnings' if you will - and tried to describe their usage and meaning as I've encountered them. Welcome to the 'Lefty lexicon'.

Term - followed by usage or meaning

A

Agenda - describes any collection of policies: 'equality agenda' for instance. Invariably needs to be ‘taken forward’.

Aggressive outreach - the process of actively soliciting trade for social workers. Generally employed when 'customers' fail to show required enthusiasm for services on offer.

B

Beacon of excellence - archaism: any organ of state that achieved - or 'delivered' - what it was supposed to.

Best practice - normally 'established' when a Lefty wants to saddle a process with more complexity. Replaces 'working it out yourself'.

C

Child-centred - education: "we can't be bothered to teach them… perhaps they’ll do it themselves".

Class - grouping people by the contents of their wallet rather than, say, how they think, feel or behave as individuals.

Consultation - a formal system for ignoring public views while patronising them at the same time. London's Congestion Charge for instance.

Community leader - someone plucked from obscurity to represent ‘the views of the community’ for the purposes of ‘consultation’. NB never elected to this position.

Critique - media, academia: same as 'rebuttal'. When a Lefty alleges that someone's writing is 'riddled with factual inaccuracies' then mysteriously fails to identify any.

D

Delivery - as in "delivered against targets". Means 'achieve'.

Disproportionate - foreign affairs: Describes any act by USA or Israel.

Delegitimise - what we do if we suggest that a favoured Lefty client group may contain members who are not wholly beyond criticism as individuals.

Diversity - creating a workforce based on how people look rather than on their skills or aptitude

E

Equal - as in ‘opportunities’: describes the desire to have a workforce resemble the population it comes from, rather than matched to the task in hand.  See 'diversity'.

Egalitarian - “if I can’t have one, then neither can you”. Shared misery much better than unevenly scattered joy.

F
   
Fascism/Nazism - apparently the 'opposite' of Socialism - despite sharing party members, ideology and - in National Socialism - the name.

G

Gender issues - grouping people by their sex rather than how they think, feel or behave as individuals.

‘Green’ issues - “if we can’t control the means of production then we’ll close it down”. NB. the US is the ‘biggest polluter in the world’ which is wholly unrelated to the fact it’s the world’s most productive economy.

H

Hate-crime - same as 'normal' crime as far as victims are concerned - but much more distressing for Lefties.                

Hate-speech - "shut up!".

Human rights - using the legal system to pursue political ends.

I

Inclusive - Means 'drop entry standards until anyone can get in'.

Impartial - media, BBC: the balance achieved by attacking the Opposition for being Conservative and attacking the Government for being insufficiently Lefty.

In partnership with… - Government: "this way, none of us get the blame when nothing happens!".

Inappropriate - "I don't like this" - no explanation for what or whom must ever be given.

Intolerance - Intolerance can only committed against certain defined groups of people. These do not include, Americans, the middle class, white manual workers, rural people,           business and Christians obviously.

Institutional racism - 'racism' in a workforce that is achieved unknowingly and in ways that cannot be specifically defined.

Islamophobic - anyone who objects to having their transport blown up on the way to work.

Israel - see 'disproportionate' and 'legitimate grievances'. Country the size of Wales, with 5m inhabitants, that is entirely responsible for any and all delinquent Islamist behaviour the world over.

Issues around… - "I may be out of my depth here".

J

Justice - Government: as in ‘social justice’. Means taking money earned by the general public to give to particular groups that Lefties approve of. Replaces market economics.

K

Key - Government: most things are ‘key’, in particular ‘drivers’, ‘learnings’, ‘deliverables’. In education, all school ‘stages’ are 'key'.

Legitimate grievances - foreign affairs: why we're all to blame for deranged Islamists murdering people in the developed world.

Liaise - the day-to-day process of Lefty Government. Replaces 'work'.

Learnings - means 'lessons'.

M

Marx - a Victorian gentleman whose theories cannot be disproved by observation, experience or factual evidence. See 'religion' and 'post-modernism'.

Multi-cultural - All culture is valid - unless Western in some way. Usually to be 'celebrated' and always found to be 'vibrant'. See 'diversity'.

N

Nazi - informal: describes non-Lefty views and useful to link with people Lefties don’t like. Thus Germany’s Nazi period is the only noteworthy formative experience of Pope Benedict.

NGO - Non Governmental Organisation – the repository of all moral authority in Lefty World and whose words and motives may never be questioned.

O

Organised labour - what Lefties used to be interested in.

P

Palestinians - archetype 'victims' no matter how many teenagers they murder in bars and fast food outlets. Never responsible for anything they do – or done in their name - because of 'root causes' or ‘legitimate grievances’.

Post-modern - modern French 'philosophical': literature claiming that no account of events can be trusted. 'Texts' must be 'deconstructed' for their hidden meanings - except those by post-modernists, to be taken at face value.

Progressive - describes ideas generally thought up around 40 years ago – that still don't work.

Q

al Qaeda - Muslim 'militants' who for some reason or other continue to kill far more Muslims than people of any other faith.

R

Race issues - grouping people by their skin colour as opposed to how they think, feel or behave as individuals.

Racist - means "shut up!" - and is much, much worse than being violent, thoughtless or unkind. In fact, easily the worst crime ever conceived of.

Relevant - education: something badly written, with references to sex and full of swear-words. Always better than literature by 'dead white people'.

Religion -

• Christianity: irrational, dangerous belief that material things may not be the principal motive behind human behaviour.
• Judaism: most Israelis are Jewish, so probably 'intolerant'.
• Islam: always needs to be 'understood'.

Root causes - foreign affairs: Usually need to be 'examined'.  Belief in 'root causes' reflects dogged Lefty habit of trying to see contemporary religious issues through the prism of ‘class analysis’.

S

Skills-based - education: "teach the little ba**ards Microsoft Word or something. They don't actually need to know anything…".

Social exclusion - where bad people, behaving badly, somehow became our fault.

South Africa - a national showcase for Lefty policies with a one-party state, some of the worst crime levels in the world, tragic AIDS mortality and declining economy.

Stereotype - any attempt to describe the general characteristics of a group favoured by Lefties.

Stigmatise - what we do to anti-social people if we ask them to stop.

Subsidised art - art no one would buy.

T

Take forward - use instead of 'do'.

Terrorist - no such thing. Only people suffering from ‘root causes’ and ‘legitimate grievances’.

Transgressive - term of approval for anything 'challenging established values' - but generally puerile, annoying and dumb.

U

Unilateral - media, BBC: used to describe any act by the United States in furtherance of its national interest. 

United Nations - the NGO of NGOs. All foreign policy has to be 'in partnership with the UN and our European Allies', unless bombing Serbia - which requires neither.    

V                                    

Victim - see ‘Terrorist’, ‘Palestinians’, ‘gender issues’, ‘race issues’ and ‘social exclusion’.

W       

Workers - notional ‘class’ of people that Lefties once claimed to represent. Now replaced by college lecturers, human rights lawyers, pressure group employees, civil servants with 'liaise' in their job title - and other people you would probably not want over for supper.

17th August: Inigo has now been suspended from his job because of this article.  Read ConservativeHome's response to this news.

Comments

[Paul Kennedy]

Superb, well done Inigo and all so very true.

[Graeme Archer]

Stunning and perfect! Thanks for this Inigo.

[Don Jameson]

You forgot "J - Joined-up - adj. of government policies, targets or activities; un-coordinated, inconsistent, determined by HM Treasury."

and

"T - Target - randomly selected topic, date and percentage, the more precise but meaningless the better. For example "people will be 37.36% nicer to each other at rural bus-stops by October 25th, 2014"

[deborah]

Excellent, Inigo.

By the way, what is transphobic? Do I need to go on a transphobic awareness course?

ps If some nutter thinks I'm being transphobic, does that mean I'm guilty?

[deborah]

Stakeholders - non-elected people or groups invited to vote on matters in which they have a personal and/or prejudicial interest; used to be known as vested interests and excluded from decision making.

[Og]

You need a Y:

Youth Programmes: something, anything, that will keep feral illiterates from signing on the dole. (At a per capita cost of approx 30x the dole). Often skills-based (qv)

[Peregrine]

Absolutely excellent. Here are some others I have come across:

Sustainability – relates to any actions (or non-actions) that have no relevance to a Department’s original purpose.

Risk-based – either an excuse not to do something or to take excessive action.

Precautionary Principle – allows unnecessary actions which lack “evidence based” backing.

Evidence based – backing policy decisions with selective social science research.

[Annabel Herriott]

Ah! A breath of fresh air at last! Now do one on the NHS, the cradle of most of the more stupid gobbledegookisms. The social services probably rank as joint first.

[Serf]

Absolutely first class.

Don't forget Tolerance though,

The act of accepting that everyone else is right and you are wrong, or alternatively, permission to think only along approved lines.

[michael mcgough]

FORWARD;towards an EU superstate

WIDER ;subsuming yet more nation states

DEEPER ;ensuring that it becomes harder and
harder to leave

PLEDGE; something you give in order to gain
power knowing you will not keep it

CONSERVATIVE; ????????????

POLICY; something taking two years to
formulate except when it relates to
grabbing state funding

FASTER; in the hope that people don't notice

[John Hustings]

Well done, I shall be bookmarking this page for continued reference!

[Matthew Dear]

Very amusing but also very pertinent. I'm a little uncomfortable with the "Islamophobic" entry - feel it's a bit too close to the knuckle.

[Richard]

"Progressive - describes ideas generally thought up around 40 years ago – that still don't work."

That really made me chuckle!

Let's not forget being "Judgemental" - Whereby we are to be considered bigoted for suggesting that maybe some forms of behaviour are less socially optimal than others.

[Richard]

Come to think of it, "bigoted" is another typical lefty word - used to describe those who refuse to view all lifestyles, religions, and cultures etc as equally valid. Obviously this doesn't apply to Lefties when they are praising one lifestyle, religion or culture etc over others.

[Mark Wadsworth]

A pamplet published by the Fabian Society recently used the now correct phrase "children of mixed ethnicity" but also used the now prohibited phrase "mixed race".

For a giggle I emailed the author pointing this out and she sent me a very polite email back actually APOLOGISING for any offence she may have caused and promising not to make this mistake again!

I kid ye not!

[Jean-Paul Floru]

And, the most important of all: the use by the socialists of the word "investing" instead of "spending".

[TimC]

Superb - should be added to the "A-Z of why lefties are bastards" book by Richard Thoburn .

[Roses Tory]

Excellent. The way in which the Left have hijacked the use of language is one of the most dangerous facets of modern life.
I would particularly point out how in Lefty World there are never any "problems". There may of course be "issues" which is usually code for " Even more left wing policies are therefore needed".
All readers of this will note from now on how rarely they ever hear Lefties use the word "problem" !

[Justin Hinchcliffe]

Inigo Wilson makes be proud to call myself a Conservative! Has anyone noticed how lefties have replaced the word "problems" with "challenges"?

[Chris Palmer]

Very funny and very true! One of the best Platform pieces I have read in quite some time.

Well done.

[Denis Cooper]

"the trenches in the language sector of the 'culture wars' must be all but overrun."

That's because they were never defended. I recall an article in the Telegraph by some professor or other, I don't know for sure, ca 1995 - 1998, warning the right that they'd lost control of the language of debate, and until they regained control they would always be at a disadvantage. Yet how many times have I seen comments posted here including

[Denis Cooper]

Please excuse that mess with the part posting.

I was trying to trace this excellent letter I saw in the Times yesterday, about the virtue, in fact the vital necessity, of discrimination.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspaper/0,,171-2293442,00.html

Teach kids right and wrong

Sir, As one of Prof Tallis’s free old codgers (Comment, July 31), I am considered a reactionary by today’s politically correct standards, a badge that I wear with pride.

Our present idiotic enthusiasm for dismantling national, personal, moral and philosophical borders in the name of freedom has produced the very opposite effect. Moral and personal discipline once provided people with a sense of personal space within recognised parameters. By destroying those parameters, we become lost, with no personal space to live in or defend.

The truth is that we live our lives by means of discrimination — good from bad, big from small, fat from thin, black from white and so on, allowing us to make quick, continuous general decisions about navigating through life.

Political correctness avoids discrimination and in doing so turns our world and our language into meaningless confusion, destroying the compass by which we steer. Without right and wrong, we invite wrong into our lives and communities. Without good and evil, we allow evil to live among us and destroy us from within. Human rights are expanded to include ferals and brutes, welcoming them into the fold where they will soon bring us down. We become blind and defenceless.

It is a sad fact of evolution that every civilisation eventually becomes too civilised for its own good, abandons discrimination, refuses to defend itself and eventually implodes or is destroyed. History’s road is paved with examples.

JOHN NASH
Hayle, Cornwall

[Richard Weatherill]

Nice one, Inigo.

However, you've omitted an absolutely central NuLab term: "Investment". This has now gone well beyong being a synonym for "public spending" to mean "throwing increasing amounts of (our) money at any problem that has attracted media attention, without having the slightest idea of what the outcome will be". Indeed, it's critical to the concept that the expected "returns" on any "investment" are never defined.

[Richard R]

Excellent!

Just shows how lefties have to cover their tracks with jargon so no-one recognises how dangerous their policies and intentions really are!

[CDM]

Absolutely superb, a first-class piece of work.

It still amazes me that otherwise intelligent people in both public and private sectors feel the need to communicate in this nonsensical and unintelligible drivel.

[David Sergeant]

I have to express amazement that no one has mentioned "fairness". I suppose it has become an all embrasing term like "social justice" to be used when the present paragraph already includes several "social justices".

To me "fairness" in economic terms means if I work hard I get more money than someone who doesn't work hard. The left have all but reversed that meaning.

Worse, "fairness" is used by the left to justify almost any government action, such as breaking the law, wasting billions on almost any government scheme vaguely tagged "welfare", lying, corruption, breaking inconvenient rules, taking property without compensation or appeal, etc., etc. The last West European political party to try this called themselves National Socialists.

Am I alone in being frightened to hell by all this.

[Richard]

What exactly ARE outreach workers and diversity co-ordinators?

[Og]

Richard 19:56 -

"Outreach" is what happens when the hugely expensive bureaucracy set up to provide a "service" is not actually taken up by many, most being too busy, feckless, proud or disgusted to fill in a 30 page form, often with means-test provisions.

An "outreach co-ordinator" is identified by clipboard and a public sector package amounting to approx £75,000 per annum, when cars and pensions are taken into account.

"Diversity co-ordinators" do this, but only to those from ethnic backgrounds.

[Martin]

I would add;
Positive discrimination: this means that all discrimination is evil unless it's against those nasty white evil oppressors, in which case it's wonderful.

[John Hustings]

"Positive discrimination: this means that all discrimination is evil unless it's against those nasty white evil oppressors, in which case it's wonderful."

They don't use the phrase positive discrimination though; they'll usually deny that it's being used. Instead they'll talk about "targets".

[matt wright]

Add the following to the list:

Strategy - everyone and everything must have this before doing anything. We have strategies for wiping our arses nowadays.

Action Plan - by adding "action" to plan we must be doing something. Aren't we?!

By having both of above your organisation will spend a lot of money and time doing nothing.

Seriously though much of this comes from duff parts of the private sector and New Labour copied it cos they thought it was clever, "modern" and not traditional left wing, but they didn't have a clue what it was about. Now much of national and local Govt has ground to a halt, bureaucrats have multiplied and nobody actually does anything or takes responsibility for anything,

Matt Wright

[Michael Ehioze-Ediae]

Nice Work. Very Funny.

I am slightly concerned about the South African entry.

[Annabel Herriott]

Another B. Business Plan. Applied by NHS managers when some poor sod just wants to set up a clinic or group dealing with real human beings, not pounds of carrots.

[David Cooper]

Og, 20.25: not long ago I managed to take your second example one step further, suggesting to the local press that our council would probably do nothing about our stolen green bin until they had appointed a Verdant Refuse Receptacle Unauthorised Abstraction Outreach Liaison Co-Ordinator. Trouble is, of course, that yesterday's satire has a tendency to become today's reality.

[JackH]

Under 'Precautionary Principle': "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence"; e.g."GM plants jump up and hit you" - it must be true because...

[AV]

Excellent piece! This one just occurred to me.

Economic competence – relinquishing all control of setting interest rates and then taking credit for a stable economy.

[Jabberwocky]

Very funny, unless you live in the Alice-in-Wonderland world of the Public Services, where falling foul of this inverted morality means almost certain dismissal.

Can someone please tell me whether I am supposed to laugh, cry, kill myself, or get a machine gun and start killing as many fellow Civil Servants as possible, starting with my local Equality and Diversity Unit?

[Please don't try to e-mail me - the rightful owner of anonymous at hotmail dot com must be cursing the day I discovered the world of blogs.]

[libbysdrant]

true in some respects but this is nothing new. just read Orwell's 'politics and the english language'. also to be honest its not half as bad as some of the bussiness jargon i hear (which i bet is where a lot of this rubbish came from).

[Arnold Lieberman]

Not sure if this is NewLabour or not, but two phrases which immediately set the liar-bell ringing are:

Clarify - as in to claify one's position. In other words, change the position of the government on an issue after they have been rumbled.

Redouble - as in to redouble one's efforts, implying that at some vague time in the past the original effort was doubled (double nothing = ? ).

[Hannibal]

Dear Editor,

Did you know there is a campaign running to silence this poster and/or lose him his job?

http://forum.mpacuk.org/showthread.php?t=13427

[Athena Murphy]

So this is what counts as an example of 'original thinking from Tory members' - that figures!

[James Maskell]

Not quite Labourspeak though Im sure theyve referred to similar,

Targeted savings = cutbacks
Traffic calming = tearing up roads, leading to gridlock.
Productive = as in "Our talks were productive", God knows why they even sat down it was such a waste of time.

[MEredith Magor]

50% amusing, 50% worn-out right-wing rhetoric. Oh, and the Islamophobia definition is REALLY dumb- Orange have lost my custom.

[A Murphy]

"Orange have lost my custom". They've lost the custom of my family too. Wilson - lets hope you're in the shit big time.

[Oranges & Lemons]

Hannibal said "Dear Editor,
Did you know there is a campaign running to silence this poster and/or lose him his job?"

Hannibal, I think Inigo will "lose" his job (how careless of him) but it's his own fault. Orange, I have no doubt, does not want to alienate a large proportion of its customers - and I am not just referring to Muslims. I am not Muslim and I have complained to Orange about him.

Maybe you can give him a job? He won't need a reference then, will he?

[PJ]

Re the last 2 comments. That's strange. Orange have just gained my custom

V well written Mr Wilson.

[A Murphy]

PJ - it's the last three comments if you notice. And your custom won't save him now. Trust me, Wilson is in a lot of trouble of his own making. It's PC gawn mad I tells ya!

[Hannibal]

Well I see from MPACUK that the attempt to drive this man out of his job for exercising free speech is failing despite the vitriolic efforts of the likes off Miss Murphy:

Thank you for sharing your comments with Orange.

Though we respect the right of our employees to do so, Orange does not hold or express opinions on such matters, therefore the article you referenced does not in any way represent the views of our organisation.

Orange

[A Murphy]

You reckon that's the end of it? You wish. This is turning into one heck of a campaign matey, mark my words.

[Hannibal]

You know you really are a spiteful harridan aren't you? I can't believe the Editor is letting you threaten people with posts like this aimed at intimidating them into silence. I can only assume you are being allowed to expose yourself for the quasi-fascist hater of free speech that you are.