I am off sick today with a painful ear infection. This means I can talk, but am unable to listen. So, for hopefully no more than a day or two, I can experience what it is like to be Gordon Brown.
The Prime Minister is, of course, famous for talking and not listening. He used to infuriate fellow EU finance ministers by having his say and then refusing to put his headphones on to hear any other arguments through simultaneous translation.
A number of us have been observing his peculiar intonation and pronunciation, and have drawn the conclusion that he has only ever read the words, and never heard them pronounced.
He is particularly poor at English towns and cities. "Bournemouth" comes out rhyming with "foot and mouth." "Birmingham" is pronounced as if you were reading from a long list of cold meats - try it out on the Tesco home shopping catalogue: "Parma ham; smoked ham; Black Forest ham; Birming ham...."
When reading a list of figures, a frequent Brownian motion, he reads them as if the "£" sign were never meant to be said. Take this from his 2007 Budget speech:
"Even with this reduced revenue, we are, however, on track in the new cycle to meeting the golden rule, with figures from 2007-08 of -4, +3, +6, +9 and +13 billion"
13 billion of what? We assume pounds, but given the Treasury's faulty forecasting on the national debt, who can be sure?
Last week, he touched a new low by missing out an entire syllable from the Dalai Lama's name - he told us he would meet the "Dai Lama", as if he were an obscure member of the Welsh Assembly.
Just a few observations. As Michael Gove has pointed out, he is one strange fellow.
